The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
August 6, 1999
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
Ear Ringing and Dizziness Are Not Imaginary
Question: My father, 74, was in a car accident and suffered severe whiplash. The doctors seem to have treated this. Now, however, he is complaining of hearing sounds in his head, even if no one else is around. My mother says he can't concentrate and snaps at her constantly. Is he experiencing dementia?
Answer: Dementia is probably not a factor. And yes, he really is hearing sounds in his head, even if no one else hears them.
About 20% of people experience tinnitis, which is the perception of sound even when none is present. Often it is ringing in the ears. Other times it can be a hissing or buzzing sound. It can be a one-level sound and very piercing or several-level sounds.
The causes are not really clear as often there are no physical elements to identify. It is known that certain factors can exacerbate it: exposure to loud noises, wax build up in the ear, certain medications (even aspirin or antibiotics), ear or sinus infection, heart disease, tumor or auditory nerve damage, under active thyroid or head or neck trauma. In your father's case, it probably comes from the accident.
Your first step should be a visit to an ENT physician. Couple that with a review of his medications; eliminate alcohol, nicotine and caffeine, and reduce stress.
You can get more information from the American Tinnitis Association, 503-248-9985.
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Question: While my father (recently died) used to do most of the driving, my mother (75) drove regularly to run errands, meet friends, etc. Now she refuses to drive, saying her heart starts to pound and she's afraid of getting into an accident. I have to run her errands, grocery shop, take her to the doctor. I work part-time, have a family and am exhausted. Help!
Answer: Your mother may be having an anxiety or panic attack when she gets behind the wheel. One theory is that the body's normal "alarm system" - the set of mental and physical mechanisms that allows a person to respond to danger is triggered unnecessarily. Scientists don't know exactly why.
Symptoms vary: racing heartbeat, chest pains, dizziness, nausea, difficulty breathing, numbness, flushes or chills, terror, fear of losing control or even of dying.
Such attacks can seriously impact a person's daily life - as with your mother. Your doctor or psychologist can provide help.
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Question: My mother, 71, just had breast cancer surgery. The doctor says all the cancer was removed, and she's healed very well physically. Emotionally, it's another story. Her friends of many years don't know what to say to her, and so she's losing contact with several she's known for decades. What can we do to help her make the emotional adjustment?
Answer: Social isolation is a big risk factor when it comes to the rate of healing.
Find a local breast cancer support group, and take your mother. Studies show that regular support therapies help extend the survival rate of patients.
Besides the emotional support, such groups help patients better understand the importance of taking prescribed medicine, exercising regularly, and adjusting lifestyle. Such an emotional connection helps sustain those with grave or chronic illnesses.
Also talk with her friends and explain that they don't have to avoid discussing her situation - nor should they dwell a lot on it. They can help her regain a good balance to her life and return to her previous lifestyle schedule.
Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o Name\Address of YOUR newspaper or e-mail her at SandwchGen@aol.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
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©1999 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.