The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
for release October 8, 1999
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
Simplify Routine of Dementia Elder
Question: My husband, 71, has been diagnosed with senile dementia (not Alzheimer's) and his behavior is becoming more erratic and aggressive. He gets very frustrated that he can't remember how to do simple things. My daughter and I are upset, and we don't want to put him in a nursing home.
Answer: There is no one "right way" to care for someone with dementia. But there are some excellent books that provide coping TIPS.
Remember that your husband cannot change his condition (unless the dementia is medicine or thyroid induced). So you and your daughter must be flexible and try new methods of handling him.
Simplifying the home environment and daily routine can lessen his frustration. If he can't remember how to make a cup of coffee, for example, heat up the water and let him put the coffee into the cup. Same technique if he can't remember how to brush his teeth. Put the toothpaste on the brush and then give it to him.
Your area Alzheimer's association or a support group at your local hospital can help you.
If he is physically aggressive, talk to your doctor about medication.
In the long run, and if he becomes uncontrollable or bedridden, it may be best for everyone -- especially you and your daughter -- to find an appropriate assisted living or nursing home.
Remember that he is not going to get better and things may only get worse. While this is very hard for you emotionally, you do need to accept reality.
Do what you can do comfortably; seek help; take time out for yourself every day.
Question: My sister, 70, is very forgetful and recently started asking the same question over and over again. Is this Alzheimer's?
Answer: Only a thorough geriatric medical exam can determine whether your sister might have Alzheimer's. There's still no way of really saying, except by an autopsy.
Everyone has times when they are forgetful, have trouble finding the word they want to say, or ask the same question again. When signs like these begin to affect every day life, and a person's ability to care for self decreases, there might be a medical problem that needs identification and can be successfully treated.
Short term memory is usually the first to go. So, be more patient -- and have her get a thorough examination.
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Question: Caring for my 76 year old father has increased my stress level to the breaking point. I need something to help me, but don't like to take drugs. I've read that certain natural herbs are better than drugs, and they don't have the bad reactions some drugs have.
Answer: While many herbs may be safe and beneficial, others may be toxic , even deadly. Negative reactions can occur from herbs as well as prescription medicines. You need to research the herb and its potential side effects.
Even more important, you need to get help in caring for your father
-- don't try to do it all yourself. Noone is superwoman. Make sure you
find time every day for yourself. And learn to say ""no" if your father
can do a task himself.
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Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o Name\Address of YOUR newspaper or e-mail her at SandwchGen@aol.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
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©1999 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.