The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
for release December 17, 1999
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
DON'T RUN TO TAKE ANTI-DEPRESSANTS
Question: My father, 74, has withdrawn from everyone since my mother died suddenly six months ago. I've read a lot about Prozac. Should he take it?
Answer: Just because a person becomes quieter after such a traumatic loss does not mean he is clinically depressed and should take an anti-depressant. Undoubtedly your father is still grieving for his wife, your mother.
* Step 1 would be to get him involved in a Bereavement Support Group. The discharge planner at your local hospital, your father's doctor and/or your clergy can help you find a local group. If there is no organized group, talking with a bereavement counselor or social worker can be helpful.
* Step 2 would be to identify all the activities he enjoyed while your mother was here and encourage him to keep doing them. Or find new interests which will not have past memories. Also encourage his friends to involve him in their activities.
If these don't work, then consult your physician, if you haven't already done so.
* * *
Question: My mother's health has been slowly deteriorating and she is always very sad, has no energy, seems bored, eats everything in sight, and sleeps for hours during the day. She says, "I'm fine." What should we do?
Answer: Depression such as your mother's affects about 19 million Americans and can most often be successfully treated.
A thorough geriatric medical exam and evaluation is warranted.
No one can "make" someone else happier. So it's up to your mother. But you can help by encouraging her to resume "happy" activities, to get involved in new activities and make new friends, and to include her in your every day life (to a point). Think of things she can help you and your family with. It will make her feel needed. My mother, at 90, helped stuff and stamp envelopes when I did mass mailings, and tutored second graders in reading.
The Mayo Clinic has marvelous newsletters on the subject. Call 1-800-351-8963, Ext. 68 for copies of the ones dealing with depressions and anti-depressant drugs.
* * *
Question: My father, 81, all of a sudden, has trouble sleeping at night and wanders around the house. He's driving my mother nuts and she's losing sleep. The doctor says, "You're just getting old and don't need as much sleep." We need help.
Answer: First of all, a drastic change in sleeping patterns is not a normal part of aging! Regardless of age, a person still needs the same number of hours of sleep as when young. Often an older person decreases activity level during the day, gets bored, or maybe depressed, and so naps. Then at night, he/she is not tired.
A nap in itself is not bad, and may actually help rejuvenate a person on mid-day. The timing however and the reason are important. If boredom or depression are the reasons your father sleeps during the day, his schedule needs to include more day-time or early evening activities. If he is depressed (which also is not a normal part of aging), have him evaluated by a board certified geriatric physician.
* * *
Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o Name\Address of YOUR newspaper or e-mail her at SandwchGen@aol.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 510 words; other material = 160 words
We would appreciate it if you would include the "Globe Syndicate" bug at the end of the column.
©1999 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.