The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
for release January 14, 2000
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
It's Never Too Late To Learn New Things
Question: My father recently died. He used to take care of the grocery shopping as well as bill paying. Now my mother, 75, tells me he did everything because she can't read well, but she'd like to learn. We're surprised because we never knew this. How can we help her?
Answer: After all these years, it has taken great courage for your mother to admit she has trouble reading. Assure her that she is not alone. Forty-seven percent of the American adult population is either functionally illiterate or has substantial trouble with reading and writing.
Many local schools have adult courses that focus on literacy - reading and writing. Also, there is a marvelous national organization, "Literacy Volunteers of America", that has specially trained tutors who work one-on-one or with small groups. Their telephone number is 315-445-8000, so you can locate a program near you.
It's never too late to learn, and no one is ever too old to learn. So help and encourage your mother to improve her reading skills. A basic starting point would be to teach her words she needs on a daily basis.
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Question: My parents are in their 80s, alive and well. But my mother is already worried about what will happen to her if my father dies first. Her constant moaning about this is getting on our nerves. We need help.
Answer: Your mother is looking for a life-line, and apparently won't be happy about possibly not being able to remain independent. Thus you have a great opportunity to open up a dialogue about some key issues.
First, what are the things she feels she won't be able to do alone? If it involves finances, teach her to write checks and understand the bank statement. If she can't use the VCR, have your father teach her.
Second, sit down with your parents to discuss things like Durable Power of Attorney, Living Wills, Testamentary Wills and estate planning if their total assets are over $650,000.
Having these documents and doing some planning now can protect your parents now, enable you to handle finances and medical decisions when appropriate, and provide assurance to your mother.
Knowing that financial and legal documents are in place and learning to handle basic banking certainly should give your mother some peace of mind.
The father of one reader died and her mother didn't know how to write a check or program the VCR. Her father had even handled all the mail. The mother was on the phone with her daughter every day - often several times a day. Over time, the mother learned how to do these tasks herself. Few people are too old to learn new things.
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Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o Name\Address of YOUR newspaper or e-mail her at SandwchGen@aol.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 435 words; other material = 160 words
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©2000 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.