The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
for release June 2, 2000
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
Don’t Do What A Doctor Says Just Because He’s A Doctor
Question: I recently visited my grandparents (in their 80s) and was appalled at the number of prescription medicines that seemed to be everywhere - the medicine chest, on the top of dressers, and on the kitchen counters. They couldn’t tell me why they were taking them. When I questioned my father, he said, ‘Their doctors know what they’re doing. Leave it be.’ I want to talk to the doctors. Should I?
Answer: Most certainly yes! Do talk to all of their doctors - after making a list of all the drugs, and the dates on the containers.
No one should take medicine without knowing what it is for, how it will help you, and how long to take it. All too often, people add drugs to their life without sorting out those no longer needed.
You should ask questions. Feel comfortable with the answers.
Doctors can make mistakes. They’re only human. According to the National Consumers League, ‘medical errors are the eighth leading cause of death in America, ahead of breast cancer, traffic accidents, and AIDS.’ An estimated 98,000 Americans die each year because of medical mistakes.
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Question My mother, 74, seems to be very unsteady on her feet and grabs on to things or the wall to keep her balance. I went with her to the doctor, but he refused to listen to us. After one sentence, he prescribed medicine, which is making my mother even more unsteady. We’re all upset.
Answer: You should be upset. All too often, doctors don’t listen and prescribe the first thing that comes to mind. That happened to me, and I’VE never returned to that doctor.
I am not a doctor, but have seen too many cases where medicine made problems worse. So, I suggest you have your mother stop taking the new medicine.
Then you should call the doctor and tell him about the adverse reaction. Tell him more about your mother’s condition.
When doctors fail to listen and communicate appropriately, the results can be disastrous. In this case, your mother could fall and seriously injure herself.
According to NCL, because of lower insurance payments, many doctors try to see more patients and have less time to ‘chat.’ So, keep the visit directed on the problems. Make a list of symptoms ahead of time, so you can give the doctor a complete picture, in a short time period. Write down your questions ahead of the visit. Then write the answers down, so your memory can be refreshed once you’re home.
Doctors may be busier than ever. But a good doctor will spend time with you over the phone or in person and should answer all your questions. If not, find another doctor. One’s health is too important to chance a mistake.
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Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o Name\Address of YOUR newspaper or e-mail her at SandwchGen@aol.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 470 words; other material = 160 words
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