The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
for release June 16, 2000
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
TIPS To Reduce Anxiety of Alzheimer’s Patients
Question: Both my parents ( in their late 70s) have Alzheimer’s. As they are still otherwise healthy, they live at home with live-in-help. They swing from being very restless to just sitting in their chairs. None of us know what to do.
Answer: This is a growing problem, and the number of people with dementia is expected to triple in the not too distant future. So you are not alone with this problem.
There are many techniques to help a person with Alzheimer’s retain as much physical capacity as possible. Your parents can be encouraged to continue performing habitual skills such as tying their shoes, buttoning up a shirt or blouse, even making a bed.
I just read a very interesting article that takes the Montessori theory of teaching children and projects it to use with dementia/Alzheimer’s. The Montessori philosophy focuses on repetitive tasks for those with short attention spans. So you can deliberately ‘set up’ a series of chores and activities, which can reduce the restlessness on one hand, and increase mental stimulation on the other.
The housekeeper has her hands full with both your parents. So perhaps she can identify chores they can still do - like set the table at mealtimes, fold laundry, button shirts on hangers, arrange throw pillows on the sofa or chairs. Then take some young children’s activities and bring them into your parents’ life - puzzles, coloring books, the toys that have bells or other sounds, finger painting, play-doh or clay. Even dolls and tea parties can help reduce tension.
Nurturing activities - both self and with others. If they can still wash up in the morning, brush their teeth, comb their hair, they should be encouraged to do these things.
My own philosophy has been that the less you do for an elder, depending on their true capabilities, the better it is for everyone.
You might also look into adult day care centers in your area. Even one day a week can be meaningful to your parents and give a break to the housekeeper. And/or you might have someone else come into the house during the week to just spend a couple of hours doing activities with your parents.
Do keep in mind that caring for a person with Alzheimer’s can not only be a challenge, but also tiring. So the caregiver should not work more than five days a week. She needs a break. After awhile any caregiver, no matter how good, will become tired, impatient and is liable to verbally snap at your parents. Do have a weekend relief housekeeper. You might even find two people who are willing to do a four and three day split work week.
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Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o Name\Address of YOUR newspaper or e-mail her at SandwchGen@aol.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
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