The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
for release June 23, 2000
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
Mental Disorders Not Normal Part of Aging
Question: My father died suddenly last fall, and my mother, 74, has been depressed ever since. We took her to the doctor during the winter, and he said “It’s the winter blues.” He added “And she’s old.” It’s sunny weather now and she’s still depressed. Why?
Answer: While many do feel “down” during the gray days of winter, age has nothing to do with it. A recent report by the U.S. Surgeon General reaffirms what many have been saying for years - that depression is not a normal part of aging.
So, several things can be going on with your mother. She may be still grieving for your father and hasn’t been able to get beyond the shock. Everyone grieves differently, and some take longer to be able to accept the death of a loved one and move onward. Grieving counseling and/or participation in a bereavement support group could be helpful.
The report says too many dismiss a mental (depression) problem as merely the “blahs” or the “blues,” as your mother’s doctor has. So, while millions, of all ages, may be depressed, at some time or other, the report states “depression is neither well recognized nor treated in primary care settings, where most older adults seek and receive health care.”
The report seems very blunt in saying many medical practitioners may not recognize depression or understand its causes and possible consequences. It also states that depression today can be successfully treated with psychotherapy, medications and other interventions. In addition, depression may be the result of some physical or metabolic imbalance, which can be treated.
Your mother may be too embarrassed to acknowledge she’s depressed. She’s of that age group, and may not want to talk about how she feels.
So, talk to your minister or rabbi or local hospital discharge planner to identify a bereavement support group. Encourage her to attend.
At the same time, identify a certified geriatric doctor and have him do a thorough evaluation. Sometimes something very simple like thyroid dysfunction can cause depression.
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Question: My 89-year-old mother is now seeing a psychologist. She says she has “unresolved issues.” I think it’s a waste of time and money. What can be unresolved at her age?
Answer: Age has nothing to do with how one feels about self and one’s life.
A social worker I know related the story of several of her clients, who are your mother’s age. One woman felt she was never “successful”, and had trouble dealing with this as she nears the end of her own life. Her parents apparently had never praised what she did do, and her husband and children took her for granted.
Your mother undoubtedly is looking for some inner peace and has sought professional help. Do give her the emotional support she now needs.
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Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o Name\Address of YOUR newspaper or e-mail her at SandwchGen@aol.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 470 words; other material = 160 words
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©2000 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.