for release November 10, 2000
The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
Leave Very Ill Or Confused In Nursing Home
Scenario: It's holiday time - again, so fast. It's list making time - again. Readers ask me, "what should I get my parents? My elderly grandparents? My spinster aunt?"
Answer: I was also always at a loss, especially when it came to my mother - who had everything she needed and could buy everything she wanted. So, last year I surveyed readers. A number of readers mentioned useful things - sometimes things the person with a limited income didn't buy for herself.
I received a scathing letter from an 80-year old, who chastised the headline which used the word "older." She, very rightly, said that everyone is older than someone else.
She also said "fun" gifts are more fun and appreciated. And again she's right. Some of her gift suggestions include: a champagne brunch, or a trip to Paris or Hawaii.
And some other ideas for the person who has everything he/she "needs," and is able to do things. Tickets to a play; plane ticket to visit family who may live far away or ticket for a cruise. A day at a local spa, for a facial, manicure, massage.
I used to take my parents to the horse races. Even at 91, my mother enjoyed them. I took her to a musical at our local school - and she loved it.
And some practical, "fun" gifts for the homebound. A "subscription" to the radio programs geared for the visually impaired; or CDs or tapes of best sellers. Videos of old movies, especially the romantic ones and comedies, always make people smile and be happier.
Always appreciated are current family pictures and handmade pictures from the kids. My mother was a pack rat and kept everything. So I now have pictures I drew when I was in elementary school.
And one thing I always say is very important - give of yourself. Your time - time devoted to talking about everything (but your own problems). My mother prized the times her granddaughters had lunch with her. They would talk for hours - about everything.
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Scenario: It's holiday time. A big decision needs to be made - should I take mom (who is in a nursing home and badly confused) to the family party? She doesn't recognize anyone at this point.
Answer: If she is confused and doesn't recognize anyone, why make her and everyone else feel uncomfortable? Why should you have to worry about her - when whatever you do may not be understood?
First and foremost is the fact that caregivers and others involved in elder care need to have fun time for themselves. It's your time with your family and friends.
Secondly, taking a confused person out of his/her familiar environment can make them more confused and agitated.
So, have your family visit her in the nursing home rather than take her home.
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Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o Name\Address of YOUR newspaper (or mail direct to her at PO Box 132,Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132) or e-mail her at SandwchGen@aol.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 445 words; other material = 160 words
We would appreciate it if you would include the "Globe Syndicate" bug at the end of the column.
©2000 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.