for release January 19, 2001
Note to Editors:
January 19 = Part 1: Dilemmas Of Life and Death/Control,
Choices, Quality of Life
January 26, 2001 = Part 2: Choice To Live or
Die Is Very Personal
February 2, 2001 = Part 3: Implementing Choices:
Life or Death
The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
Death and Dying: Part 1 of 3
Dilemmas Of Life and Death
Control, Choices, Quality of Life
Scenario: A professor of 17th century literature is diagnosed with widely metastasized ovarian cancer. Her doctor, heavily involved in cancer research, recommends massive doses of chemo and other very aggressive procedures to try to reverse the situation.
The treatment, the repercussions, the incredible physical and emotional pain, the professor’s thoughts as she faces death are the focus of a 100 minute Pulitzer Prize winning play titled “Wit,” written by Margaret Edson. The play points out a number of societal dilemmas -- when and what kind of treatment is really appropriate? How much “abuse” of a person’s body is OK? Choice in a DNR medical order. The play also clearly shows that much of the medical profession focus narrowly on the illness and the body, but ignores the human being, and his or her emotions and soul.
I saw this play shortly after the Bill Moyers 4-part series on Death and Dying aired. A few days later I lectured on the subject “Death and Terminal Illness” to a graduate class of social workers at Rutgers University. Shortly before the Moyers series, I had attended an intensive international conference in Boston of the World Federation of Right to Die Societies.
All of these events point out today’s dilemmas -- the need to balance control of self, individual choice, and quality of life with (1) nature’s cycle that always ends in death and with (2) medical technology that strives to prevent that natural end. It seems our society tries to defy death.
The 50-year-old professor in the play chose the experimental treatment route until near the end, when it was evident the treatment failed. A DNR order was signed.
Christopher Reeves has chosen life over death, even if it means he’s confined to a wheelchair and dependent on others for every life activity. Reeves made his choice. On the other hand, Jackie Onassis Kennedy and Richard Nixon were in pain and made another choice -- to go more quickly, quietly and pain free. They, with the help of their doctors, maintained control of the end of life and exercised their choice.
At the personal level, the pain and emotional issues need to be openly talked about. What is the level of acceptable and unacceptable quality of life? At what point do you say enough is enough? Is there an age factor that says at 50, 60 or 70 all treatments should be tried, as in the cases of the professor and Reeves? Or is there an age factor that says at 80 or 90 there should be no treatment?
Personally I don’t go along with an age factor. I focus on control, choice and quality of life factors closely coupled with the medical prognosis element. Medical prognosis being the evaluation of whether the illness can be reversed and the person can enjoy a decent quality of life, whatever that is.
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Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o Name\Address of YOUR newspaper (or mail direct to her at PO Box 132,Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132) or e-mail her at SandwchGen@aol.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 490 words; other material = 160 words
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©2001 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.