for release January 26, 2001
Note to Editors:
January 19 = Part 1: Dilemmas Of Life and Death/Control,
Choices, Quality of Life
January 26, 2001 = Part 2: Choice To Live or
Die Is Very Personal
February 2, 2001 = Part 3: Implementing Choices:
Life or Death
The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
Choice To Live or Die Is Very Personal
Part 2 of 3
Scenario: A man (80s) with diabetes and gangrene in both legs was in the hospital. The doctor wanted to amputate both legs. The man said “no.” The hospital sought a court order that would force the operation because the man would die within weeks without it. The man continued to oppose the operation. The court upheld his right to choose death. He returned home, and died four weeks later.
Scenario: A 76-year-old man had prostate cancer. Years before he had an operation, which was successful. This time the cancer had spread, and was inoperable. He had a choice - to try aggressive treatment to try to contain the cancer or let nature follow its course. He decided to forego treatment.
He also made a conscious end of life decision. At such time as he couldn’t do everyday tasks for himself or was in pain at an unacceptable level, he would help nature along. And he did.
Scenario: A woman had various terminal illnesses and was bedridden, unable to talk or do anything for herself. At home, she was hooked up to several machines and oxygen for more than two years. Her daughter refused to let her die. In the end, the daughter lost her mother - and her husband.
These are true stories. I know the families of the second man and the woman.
Both men wanted to control their life - the quality of it. Under the laws of most states:
• Suicide is legal. **Note to Editors: This was stated at the World Federation of Right To Die Societies international conference held in Boston September 2000.**
• Everyone has the legal right to control his/her own life and death.
• Everyone has the legal right to refuse medical treatment - even if death is hastened.
• Everyone has the legal right to make the choice between life on a machine or a more peaceful death.
Choice, to die sooner, rather than later, should depend on medical prognosis. Can the illness be cured or reversed? Will treatment improve quality of life? Or will any treatment be futile? What will be positively achieved, if anything, by treating the person at all?
In the woman’s case, she was unable to talk and make a choice. The family had never discussed what she wanted. So the daughter made the decisions. Other siblings were upset, but had no legal authority to make decisions.
The second man had lengthy discussions with all of his family members - all taped. An hour condensed version of 20 hours of discussion is available. He was very vocal as to what quality of life meant to him, what was acceptable, and what was not acceptable.
This kind of discussion is not easy. But it is important for children and spouses to know what the patient wants, what is acceptable and what is unacceptable.
While medicine tries to defy nature and can artificially keep people alive, religion seems more attuned to nature’s life cycle. The Last Rites in the Catholic Church, in essence, gives the person permission to die. In Judaism, if a person prevents another from naturally dying, that person is committing a sin.
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Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o Name\Address of YOUR newspaper (or mail direct to her at PO Box 132,Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132) or e-mail her at SandwchGen@aol.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 510 words; other material = 160 words
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©2001 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.