for release February 2, 2001
The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
Note to Editors:
January 19 = Part 1: Dilemmas Of Life and Death/Control,
Choices, Quality of Life
January 26, 2001 = Part 2: Choice To Live or
Die Is Very Personal
February 2, 2001 = Part 3: Implementing Choices:
Life or Death
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
Implementing Choices: Life or Death
Part 3 of 3
Scenario #1: A 78-year-old man had Parkinson’s for many years. He was bedridden in a nursing home and could do nothing for himself. He developed pneumonia and was treated with antibiotics. Then he had a massive stroke. He would never get “better” much less “well.” He was in acute emotional pain; going in and out of comas.
Scenario #2 : A 65-year-old woman was bedridden, her body riddled with incurable cancer. Fighting to stay alive for her only daughter, she underwent (like the professor in the first article of this series) all kinds of treatment. For years, her body was abused, and the repercussions of the treatments made her weaker and even sicker. She was finally went into a coma.
Scenario #3: A 94-year-old man had been failing rapidly for about six months. His kidneys were failing. Then he had a massive stroke and was bedridden at home.
I share here with you the dilemmas of the families dealing with these situations - all of which are true and known personally to me.
In all three cases, the patient had expressed his/her wishes. But hard decisions still had to be made by the families.
In all cases, medical prognosis was the deciding factor. All could have been kept “alive” on machines, at least for awhile. However, none of these people would ever get “better” much less have any decent quality of life. All situations were irreversible.
In Scenario #1, a DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) order was signed by a son. So, if his father had cardiac arrest, he would be allowed to die peacefully. Doctors also helped in the pain management area; sometimes called “double effect.” Drugs relieve pain, and also slow down heart functioning.
In Scenario #2, the daughter agonized for several days about whether to sign a DNR order and to hook her mother up to a resuscitator. After talking with her rabbi, she decided not to use machinery. While her mother was still partially conscious, she verbally told her mother that it was OK to “go.” Her mother needed that permission. I had also reminded her that her mother had let her father “go” peacefully.
In Scenario #3, the man, previous to his last failing condition, had told the family he wanted to die. While still basically healthy, he was unable to do all the things he loved. There was no quality of life, as far as he was concerned.
After his 94th birthday, he decided he had enough and stopped eating.
When his kidneys stared failing, the family could have hospitalized him and hooked him to dialysis. But they knew he was against this. They could have forcefully inserted a feeding tube. They knew he didn’t want this. So, they brought in hospice care, and kept him at home. He died peacefully a few days later.
Resources: Various organizations help people better understand end of life issues and how to make the decision right for you. We will send you names, if you send me your name and address. The Sandwich Generation, Box 132, Wickatunk, NJ 07765.
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Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o Name\Address of YOUR newspaper (or mail direct to her at PO Box 132,Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132) or e-mail her at SandwchGen@aol.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 520 words; other material = 160 words
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©2001 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.