for release April 13, 2001
The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
DON'T PAY FOR REPAIRS BEFORE WORK IS COMPLETED
Question: We're in our 70s. Up to a few years ago, my husband took care of all the house repairs. Repairs have been neglected and some major work needs to be done. Because previously he did the work, we don't know who to hire. My daughter lives 100 miles away, so can't help.
Answer: First, the don'ts. Don't hire someone who rings your doorbell; who has a truck with no name on it; who demands a sizable up front deposit.
Do:
-- Carefully identify the work that needs to be done.
-- Research options and companies in your area.
-- Get at least three estimates.
-- Get and check references.
-- Call the appropriate consumer affairs bureau.
Last year, my house needed new gutters. From ads and coupons in local shopper newspapers, I called four companies. Two never returned my call. Bad follow up is a trigger for potential disaster. Go on to someone else. One sent someone and I received a written estimate two weeks later -- too long for me.
One person -- came and gave me a written estimate at the same time. The price seemed reasonable. But then I called the consumer affairs bureau -- in the town in which the company is located. I learned this nice young man had three major disputes with customers in the last 18 months. Two had been settled through arbitration, and a third was in arbitration. Needless to say, he did not get my work!
Then I started thinking about putting on siding, instead of painting. Again via local coupons, a man came, looked around, and gave me a rough cost. When I asked for the cost in writing and for references, he acted insulted. Needless to say, he did not get the job.
Driving around town, I saw signs from several companies. One had done work next door, so I knew they were not good.
Another had been in the area for many years and has a good reputation. I ended up hiring this company not only for the gutters and siding, but also new windows throughout.
Keys to finding someone reliable:
-- If you see a sign, knock on the door and ask the owner if she was
satisfied with the work.
-- Ask friends and church colleagues for references.
-- Call the local consumer affairs bureau.
-- Your local office on aging may also have a list of reliable workmen.
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Question: My parents (80s) keep asking my husband to do major work at their house. My husband works hard and spends time with our son, who is involved in several sports. He needs time for himself, and we need time together.
Answer: Two steps should solve your problem.
First, your husband needs to learn to say "no." I don't want to do _______" or "I'd prefer not to." Discuss the situation with your parents. Your husband needs to establish a boundary -- limits beyond which he won't go.
Second, help your parents find a reliable person to do the work.
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Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o Name\Address of YOUR newspaper (or mail direct to her at PO Box 132,Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132) or e-mail her at SandwchGen@aol.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 460 words; other material = 160 words
We would appreciate it if you would include the "Globe Syndicate" bug at the end of the column.
©2001 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.