for release April 20, 2001
The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
Alzheimers and Bathing
Question: My mother has Alzheimer's and refuses to bathe or allow anyone else to bathe her. I've called several agencies to hire someone, but they all say they cannot force her if she says no. If I do nothing it's neglect; if I force her it's abuse. What am I supposed to do?
Answer. Your problem is not unique. Many elderly don't like to bathe -- for various reasons. I doubt you would ever be charged with either neglect or abuse.
If your mother never liked to bathe, the situation won't change. You have to be more creative. Cleanliness is an important health element. If you verbalize your approval of her bathing, then it should help her feel better about herself -- an important emotional issue.
If it is a recent problem you need to find out the reason why she reacts the way she does. Her fear or dislike might not be rationale to you, but it is real to her.
Does she wear glasses and/or a hearing aid, which are taken off during a bath? If yes, then not being able to see or hear adds to the Alzheimer's confusion and makes her afraid of the 'unknown.' Even a non-confused person, blindfolded and led somewhere strange is fearful. (I use an example of this as an interactive exercise when I train health aides and social workers.) So, leave glasses on -- you can always dry them.
Is she afraid of not being able to get out of the tub? If not, then make a game out of taking a bath. Like we do with children -- bubble bath, even toys. Give her great praise that she smells so good -- and give her a hug as you dry her.
If she has trouble getting in and out of a tub, use a shower. A shower chair helps prevent falls. Use a handheld shower nozzle so the water doesn't get in her face. Use children's non-tear shampoo.
Does she feel cold? Get a small space heater and the temperature up to at least 75 degrees. This may be too hot for you, but it won't be for your mother. Make sure the water temperature is appropriate.
There is also another possible reason. An older person's skin is much more fragile than ours. It therefore might be painful to have a wash cloth move over her skin. Using too much skin lotion can create this extreme sensitivity.
If you don't have a shower and she can't/won't get into the tub, there are various other bathing products available. In fact, the night of the day I received your letter there was an ad on TV about a wash cloth that has soap in it. You warm it up in the microwave and use. (Remember I said that older people may feel cold when bathed?) I know nothing about this particular product, but the telephone number is 1-877-9comfortbath.
Do contact the local Alzheimer's group for their advice and help. There are techniques to overcome her opposition.
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Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o Name\Address of YOUR newspaper (or mail direct to her at PO Box 132,Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132) or e-mail her at SandwchGen@aol.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
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