for release June 22, 2001
The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
DEPRESSION AND FRUSTRATION ARE TREATABLE
Question: How can you tell if a person is so depressed she needs medical treatment? My father died very suddenly, and my mother, 71, just mopes around the house. She doesn't seem to respond to anything.
Answer: Your mother does need professional help. In your question, you already identified two major elements causing depression: sudden loss of a loved one and being unresponsive to life around her.
Your mother may have other negative feelings, and you should discuss them with her. With your father gone, she undoubtedly feels an emptiness within herself. She may feel miserable and blue, lonely, sad, hopeless. She may also be restless, tired; experience appetite changes; have sleep problems, and be cranky. All of these are signs of serious depression.
If talking with her doesn't help, seek help from a bereavement support group, a family counselor, and a geriatric physician.
There are also organizations devoted to depression that are helpful. To locate one nearest your mother, call 1-800-269-6044.
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Question: My father 71, had a stroke and now has great difficulty in talking. He's very frustrated, and so are we.
Answer: Not being able to talk, when your brain is OK is very frustrating.
You can develop other ways to communicate.
· If he can write, he can write down messages. Paper, a
chalk board, hand held computer.
· You will have to anticipate needs. Ask a simple question
and have him raise his hand or squeeze your hand to answer a "yes" or "no."
· Don't show your frustration - this only fuels your father's
negative feelings.
· Be patient!
We all seem to have patience when caring for babies and pets. We learn what different cries mean - wet and need diaper changed; hungry; sleepy, etc. Babies can't talk, but they still can tell us what they want.
Pets are the same. They can't talk (although my dog throws temper tantrums if she doesn't get what she wants). We learn to recognize what they want from other actions.
People with strokes and family members need to develop other ways of
communicating.
It may be that he'll never be able to have a lengthy conversation.
So, it's important you repeatedly verbalize your love for him.
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Question: The doctor says my father, 77, has been having TIAs. Yet tests don't show anything wrong. What should we do?
Answer: TIAs are mini-strokes and occur when there is not enough oxygen in the brain. I'm not a doctor, but exercise and diet can help blood flow. But even this may not prevent them.
If they do occur, call 911 immediately. Shaking the person sort of roughly can help start up blood flow.
My mother found my father on the floor several times. After calling 911, she slapped his face and chest. When he had one at age 84, it impacted his ability to carry on long conversations. But he worked and drove until he was 88.
Life doesn't have to end just because one has a stroke or TIA.
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Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o Name\Address of YOUR newspaper (or mail direct to her at PO Box 132,Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132) or e-mail her at SandwchGen@aol.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 485 words; other material = 160 words
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©2001 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.