for release August 10, 2001
The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
TRADITIONS BRING LOVE
Family traditions are very important in maintaining family bonds in a world where family members are often geographically dispersed. Being part of a larger family groups helps people of all ages feel kinship and helps self esteem. So, keeping up family traditions after the loss of a parent or spouse is important.
Readers have written and e-mailed me sharing their traditions and asking I pass on the ideas. The one I like best -- and heard about just recently -- involves a woman in her 80s who carries on the custom of embroidering underpants for both bride and groom before the wedding. The tradition started several generations ago when money was scarce and love in abundance. The pants are hand embroidered with things of importance to the bride and groom. The panties are "given" in a pre-wedding ceremony and worn during the wedding festivities. A great way to bring more fun to the whole family.
Family albums: Cleaning out a parent's house after decades of collecting pictures and mementos can be time consuming and emotionally tough. But it can also be very rewarding. One reader said she had albums made for her siblings, children and grandchildren using pictures her mother had collected over the years. In doing this, happy memories supplanted the loss of loved ones.
Ethnic toys: The collecting of dolls from the home country started out years ago to pass on ethnic pride. As family members traveled to other countries, they brought back dolls from that country. The family now has a wide collection of dolls from countries around the world. The dolls serve to remind the generations of the wide world 'out there' and cultural differences.
Annual picnics: Family picnics enable people to maintain family bonds and bring others up to date on happenings. It also enables the younger generations to get to know others in the family. If established as a tradition, family members can program their vacations accordingly.
* * *
Question: After being sick for a couple of years, my husband, 64, recently died. My daughter is getting married and has plans for a sizable wedding. We have already spent thousands on deposits. Now she wants to cancel the wedding festivities because of my husband's passing. I'm caught in the middle of this dilemma.
Answer: Weddings symbolize new life. And that is what marriage is all about. So, do go on with the original plans.
Good things in life should be celebrated. While there will always be a sadness in your family that your husband went so young, don't let it stop the celebration. One man I know (in his early 40s) recently got married (for the first time). His father, who had been sick for several years, died a week before the wedding. The wedding went on. Everyone did enjoy themselves, knowing the father was certainly there in spirit -- if not looking down on festivities.
* * *
Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o Name\Address of YOUR newspaper (or mail direct to her at PO Box 132,Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132) or e-mail her at SandwchGen@aol.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 475 words; other material = 160 words
We would appreciate it if you would include the
"Globe Syndicate" bug at the end of the column.
©2001 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.