for release October 26, 2001
The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
SECURITY: A KEY ELEMENT IN DEMENTIA LIVING
Question: My mother, 88, is extremely confused, and the doctor says dementia. He says her condition will worsen and will not get better. We're having difficulty caring for her at home. We can't leave her alone at all. She wanders around the neighborhood and can't remember where she lives. Our neighbors have been great. But we're afraid she'll go into the street and get hit by a car. We feel guilty about even thinking about putting her in a nursing home.
Answer: If she's still mobile, and it sounds as if she is, an assisted living facility (ALF) could be the answer to your dilemma.
Many ALFs have separate wings or buildings for those confused, either because of Alzheimer's or non-curable dementia.
Such a move can be presented to her as her moving to a hotel. You should visit several to identify the one you feel most comfortable with. And ask a lot of questions.
· Layout. Is the building simply laid out so residents can easily get around? The distance from the bedroom to community rooms should be less than 400 feet. Are there enclosed outdoor spaces, gardens, etc.?
· Room size The room, excluding a bathroom should be (my own opinion) at least 350 square feet. Anything less can become claustrophobic and send the elder into depression.
· Security: Can residents easily get out of the building? If yes, look elsewhere. Look for a facility away from a major highway.
· Staff training and attitude. Evaluate staff credentials.
Talk to staff and family
members of other residents.
· Activities: What are the daily activities? Special events? Off-site trips? Health and exercise programs?
· Medical Expertise: Are there RNs on site 24-hours a day? Medicine oversight?
For more questions to ask, see our web site: www:thesandwichgeneration.com. And the Special Feature #011, which will be available in November.
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Question: My mother, 79, lives alone and refuses to move in with us. Her health is good, but her memory is lousy. She never remembers if she's eaten or not. Her refrigerator is stuffed with all kinds of containers. I can't be there every day, every meal. How can we help her?
Answer: First, completely clean out the refrigerator. And also reorganize the freezer.
Second, restock the refrigerator only with foods she eats on a regular basis. Take her shopping.
Third, sit down with her and develop menus for several days or a week - and buy food appropriately. She can check off on the menu when she's eaten.
Fourth, if she can't cook, leave her precooked food in one-serving size portions that she can microwave. Or a meals on Wheels program may help.
Fifth, do keep a close watch over what she has. Throw out leftovers once a week. Food poisoning from spoiled foods is high among the elderly.
Proper nutrition is a major key to good health. Careful oversight by you is surely warranted.
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Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o Name\Address of YOUR newspaper (or mail direct to her at PO Box 132,Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132) or e-mail her at SandwchGen@aol.com. Carol also has a web site: thesandwichgeneration.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
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©2001 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.