for release November 2, 2001
The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
SAFE INDEPENDENCE: The Key Objective to Elder Care
Question: My father, 88, has gotten very frail and cannot do a lot of things he used to. He's frustrated, as a major problem is going to the bathroom. We've tried those bar handles around the toilet. But he doesn't have the strength to pull himself up. I work and cannot be home all the time. We can't afford all day help. We don't want to have to put him in a nursing home.
Answer: If your father is mentally alert and competent, there are electronic lifting commodes (ELC). An ELC will enable your father to go when he has to, thus relieving him of any anxiety he has because of his problem. An ELC will also reduce your or other caregiver's physical problems in having to lift him off the toilet.
A medical supply store should be able to help you. If not, e-mail me at sandwchgen@aol.com and I'll give you company names.
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Question: My aunt, 78, has a collapsed disk in her back and trouble getting up from chairs; even her favorite one. She lives alone because otherwise she's very healthy. She doesn't like to feel confined to a chair because of the pain of getting up. We don't like her becoming reclusive.
Answer: There are electronically-controlled chairs (comfortable overstuffed ones) that help a person both sit down and get up. This should ease some of the pressure.
Also sitting on a strip of magnets can help reduce inflammation and pain.
While I'm not a doctor, I do think she could take some sort of pain relief medicine like extra strength aspirin or advil on a regular basis. She shouldn't wait for pain to occur. She can try to prevent it.
In both of these cases, electronic devices are great for helping older people remain independent.
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Question: My father, 83, is more or less bedridden from a stroke. He's now living with us. We're losing much needed sleep because we're afraid he'll try to get out of bed at night. We don't want to put him in a nursing home as we have a marvelous woman taking care of him during the day.
Answer: As many of you know, I'm partial to keeping people at home as long as possible - as long as it's workable for the family. So, congratulations. At the same time, you need to take care of yourself.
In your case, there are several things you can do. First, install bed railings, so he can't get out. We do this for young children in their first "adult" bed. Rails are available that can also be used in electronic beds (which I do hope you have).
There are also new electronically wired pads with remote (I think) monitor gadgets. These devices can alert you to a person moving off a bed or even a chair. Either one will relieve your anxiety and hopefully you'll sleep better.
Other aid helps: room to room monitor so he can call you. Also undergarments that he can wear at night in case he has to go and you don't get to him in time.
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Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o Name\Address of YOUR newspaper (or mail direct to her at PO Box 132,Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132) or e-mail her at SandwchGen@aol.com. Carol also has a web site: thesandwichgeneration.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
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