for release November 30, 2001
The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
COURTS REQUIRE FINANCIAL FILINGS OF INCOME AND EXPENSES
One of the subjects I often write about is Durable Power of Attorney and the need for everyone, regardless of age, to have one.
I received a call from an accountant - one who has practiced for many years.
"Does my client (early 60s) have to file financials with the court? Her mother has Alzheimer's. She had to hire an attorney," he said.
I asked if the woman had to go to court to be appointed guardian. He didn't know. And he didn't know if the woman had to file financial reports with the court.
This situation brings home the fact that most people - even accountants and probably some lawyers - do not know elder law and ramifications of not planning. Nor do they seem to know what questions to even ask.
In this case, the woman had to hire and pay an attorney to go to court so she could be appointed guardian of her mother. She also had to have two doctors certify that the mother is mentally incapacitated. She now also has to pay the accountant to prepare yearly financial reports, which must be filed with the court.
Not only is this route expensive, it also means her mother's finances and financial well-being become public record.
If her mother (in her late 80s) had signed a Durable Power of Attorney appointing her to handle finances, several thousands of dollars would have been saved. And financial information would have remained private.
These issues also discussed on our web site www.sandwichgeneration.com
* * *
Question: My father, 79, recently had a heart attack. While he seems OK now, we're fearful of the future. He's a very strong minded person who needs to control everything. What happens if he gets sick again? No one else can pay his bills or handle his finances.
Answer: If your father does not have a Durable Power of Attorney prepared by a lawyer and signed before witnesses, you will have to go to court to be appointed guardian. (In some states, the word is conservator).
As in the case discussed above, this is expensive and all his financial information becomes public record.
Only he can protect himself.
* * *
A Reader's Sharing: My brother, 63, recently died - without a Will. He had been on dialysis for a couple of years - and no Will. He had a heart attack and went suddenly. My sister-in-law had to hire an attorney so she could be appointed administrator. She had to prove they were married and never divorced. It was a terrible experience for her. So, I urge everyone to have a Will. It helps and protects those you leave behind.
My reaction: Yes, everyone should have a Will, regardless of age. Years ago a young couple in their late 20s (friends of the family) who had two young children were killed in a freak car accident. No Will. The two sets of grandparents fought for guardianship, and became bitter enemies. Instead they should have pulled together to give the children a stable life.
* * *
Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o Name\Address of YOUR newspaper (or mail direct to her at PO Box 132,Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132) or e-mail her at SandwchGen@aol.com. Carol also has a web site: thesandwichgeneration.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 485 words; other material = 160 words
We would appreciate it if you would include the
"Globe Syndicate" bug at the end of the column.
©2001 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.