for release January 11, 2002
The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
IF YOU DON'T CARE FOR YOURSELF, WHO WILL?
The holidays are over. Yet I'm hearing much about post-holiday stress and depression. As usual, too many did too much and failed to just take pure pleasure in the holidays and family sharing.
It's never too late to pamper yourself. I keep saying this to myself - year after year. And one of these years, I'll do so on a regular basis.
I've talked in prior columns about making sure you, as a caregiver, take care of yourself FIRST. Mini-vacations help recharge worn-out batteries.
There are many books that give advice on "how to do" for yourself. A recent one, "The Canyon Ranch Guide to Living Younger Longer" has an interesting mix of subjects that deal with both mental and physical health.
Canyon Ranch Spa (one in Tucson and another in Lenox, MA), for example, offers an incredible variety of programs, lectures, gourmet food, and a very informal relaxing atmosphere.
At first glance, these spas or a weekend at a luxury hotel may seem expensive. But they certainly are cheaper than medical bills because you get sick or you lose time from work.
Adult children of elder caregivers or siblings should treat the primary caregiver to a few days away from the stress and daily chores. One welcome way is a gift certificate to a spa weekend and the offer to take care of the elder while the caregiver is away. A worry free time for the primary caregiver is very important.
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Question: In the past two years, I've had to do more for my parents (late 70s). I've developed migraine headaches and have bad bouts of bronchitis every few months. I've missed work on several occasions. My doctor says I'm a walking time bomb when it comes to my own health. He hasn't been helpful as to how I can improve things.
Answer: Your migraines and bronchitis are undoubtedly the result of the stress you are under in taking care of your parents.
The migraines can be from the stress and/or may be because your back and/or neck is out of alignment. A visit to a chiropractor may be very helpful. Biofeedback might also help.
You are developing bronchitis because your immune system is under attack. This is dangerous because you might develop pneumonia.
You should step back and identify those chores that really need to be done by someone other than your parents. Let them do as much for themselves as possible. The less you do, the better for everyone.
Identify those chores that can be done by someone else, and get appropriate help.
Psychologically you need to accept the fact that your parents are getting older, frailer and possibly sick. Accept the fact that you can't change the downward life cycle and don't feel guilty about this. Headaches often occur because of the emotional pain you have in seeing your parents deteriorate.
A visit to our web site www.sandwichgeneration.com and a look at SF 006, QA102, QA104, and Conversations 303 can help you.
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Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o Name\Address of YOUR newspaper (or mail direct to her at PO Box 132,Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132) or e-mail her at SandwchGen@aol.com. Carol also has a web site: thesandwichgeneration.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
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