for release March 1, 2002
The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
ART SOOTHES AND ENRICHES YOUR SOUL
Question: I'm 55 and caring for my mother (83). She is a very difficult person. So I must (and do) find time for myself. There is a craft shop near me, and I love just spending time there and chatting with the owner. I seldom buy anything. My husband and friends think I'm terrible to "waste" my time as well as the owner's. Who's right?
Answer: You are! Surrounding yourself with things that give you pleasure is never a waste of time. In a sense, that time can be spiritual and soothing at a time when other things may not be so good.
In reference to chatting with the owner, why not? As long as it's not interfering with her dealing with customers and her work.
Last Fall I was in the Berkshires (MA) and stopped in at one of my favorite galleries that specializes in hand-blown glass. Everything from intriguingly shaped bowls to intricate (and large) chandeliers costing $150,000. (Yes, you read the cost correctly).
I always walk around with a sense of awe at the colors and shapes. It amazes me how artists and crafts people can mentally visualize a work of art and then create a piece. The piece could be this magnificent glass that continues to fascinate me to a painting, an unusually carved wood piece, artful flower arrangements, decorative wreaths. There is no limit to what can be created - and thoroughly enjoyed.
The gallery owner and I talked for quite awhile about a carved glass cube whose insides remind me of a space age city. We agreed that such artists are geniuses.
Art is to enjoy! You don't have to buy to enjoy. If surrounding yourself with art and/or crafts provides you with inner pleasure, any artist will be delighted! So keep visiting this shop and even seek out others in your area.
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Question: My mother, 79, has severe arthritis and can no longer paint her special delicate flowers. Painting always gave her great pleasure. Now she's depressed and angry. We're upset because we can't make her happy again.
Answer: Happiness comes from within oneself. No one can "make" someone else happy.
But there are ways your mother can regain pleasure from art. There are specially designed brushes that she might be able to hold and use. She might not be able to paint delicate flowers, but there are other things she can paint.
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Question: My mother has Alzheimer's and has regressed mentally to a four-year-old. She is angry most of the time. She used to make beautiful pottery. Now she is calm only if she's playing with clay or messy finger painting. The nursing home refuses to let her paint.
Answer: The staff is very foolish! They have to deal with her bad temper when they could easily solve the problem.
Get her play-doh or clay. And finger painting, regardless of age, helps people vent both anger (in your mother's case) and get pleasure.
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Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o Name\Address of YOUR newspaper (or mail direct to her at PO Box 132,Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132) or e-mail her at SandwchGen@aol.com. Carol also has a web site: thesandwichgeneration.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 470 words; other material = 160 words
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©2002 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.