for release April 5, 2002
The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
The Miracles Of Letters
A number of years ago, a librarian in Massachusetts put together an alphabet of do's and don'ts for parents of young children. With some of my own modifications, the "Alphabet" of Caring is so very pertinent to elder/parent care. The thoughts provide marvelous guidance to relationships, regardless of one's age.
A is for Arms that hold, support, and push when they have
to.
B is for Books that can bring the outside world into the
life of an elder.
C is for Caring, and the Crying, which sometimes come together
all at once.
D is for Doors through which you may have to lead an elder,
and for Dignity,
which is owed everyone.
E is for Everything you hope for a parent.
F is for Family and closeness.
G is for Growth, which an elder can still do, and a Sandwich
Generationer
certainly should continue doing.
H is for Home, which is important to everyone.
I is for the "I" Self of everyone.
J is for Joy, which adds a spark to every day.
K is for Kickback, whether it be repercussions of your
own actions or those of others.
L is for Love, of course.
M is for the Memory of past good times and relationships.
N is for Nurturing, the giving of love and care which only
sometimes comes
naturally.
O is Openness, which exists when Sandwich Generationers
and parents really work at it.
P is for Presents, which are easy to give, and the Patience
it takes to see you through
the day.
Q is for Questions, which are so hard to ask yourself.
R is for Rest, which never seems to come, and the Reward,
which you always need to
give yourself.
S is for Stories you remember, and Shoulders, which sometimes
are drenched with tears.
T is for Time, which there never seems to be enough of.
U is for Understanding that you try so hard to have.
V is for the Virtue of overcoming roadblocks to life.
W is for the Whys, which can drive you up the wall, and
the Wisdom it takes to answer
them or accept that there is no answer.
X is for the Xtra love it takes to be a parent to a parent.
Y is for Yourself as top priority in caregiving scenarios.
Z is for the end of the alphabet, but never the end of
love.
* * *
OTHER LETTERS: The letters of the alphabet, to me, always evoke wonder. How 26 little letters can have so many different meanings. In the caregiving world, two of these words give marvelous guidance: STOP and HELP. An article on our web site www.sandwichgeneration.com called SF015 (Special Features) explains these marvelous little caregiving guideposts.
And then there are the words LOVED ONE.
L== Loving, tender, care
O == One on one relationship
V == Versatility in the care plan
E == Every day counts
D == Dedication to life's values
O == Open up your heart
N == Nurture emotions
E == Explore options
* * *
Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o Name\Address of YOUR newspaper (or mail direct to her at PO Box 132,Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132) or contact her through her web site: thesandwichgeneration.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 510 words; other material = 160 words
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©2002 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.