for release April 26, 2002
The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
Multiple Agents = Major Risk
Question: I (72) know I should give someone power of attorney in case something happens to me. I have three children, all of whom live near me. Should I name all three?
Answer: No! Giving more than one person power of attorney will create major problems for yourself as well as your children.
You should choose one of your children, naming another one as an alternate if your first choice cannot handle things.
If you name all three jointly, then all three have to agree to all expenditures and sign every check or other financial document. This is very cumbersome and things cannot be done efficiently. There might also be disagreement as to the expenditure or bill itself. So, joint POA is a no-no. It can pit sibling against sibling.
If you name all three with an "or" wording, each one can make independent decisions, without consulting you or any of the other siblings. This can lead to major financial chaos, and you could lose control.
Name only one - the one who views life and lifestyle like you do and who is organized when it comes to paperwork and bill paying.
You can continue to control things for as long as you want and can. While I had POA for my father for several years, it was only the last six months of his life (at 94) that I "exercised" it. Until then he paid the daily household bills.
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Question: My father, 78, has been diagnosed with early Alzheimer's. He is a control freak and doesn't want to discuss anything about financial and legal things. How can we get him to talk? We know we'll have to go to court eventually if he doesn't do something.
Answer: If a person is in denial about the illness and doesn't want to talk, you should persist in trying to open up a dialogue. Give him articles to read about Alzheimer's and Power of Attorney and Testamentary Wills.
Step 1: establish a dialogue
Step 2: inventory all assets and existing legal documents.
Step 3: have durable power of attorney, medical power of
attorney, and testamentary will documents drawn up by an attorney.
Have your father sign them while he is still mentally competent.
Clearly explain to your father that if he doesn't choose who he wants
to help him than a judge can appoint a complete stranger. In that
case, he and your family can lose control of your father's assets as well
as care decisions as he deteriorates.
Step 4: Learn as much as possible about the illness. SF016 on our web site www.sandwichgeneration.com has down-to-earth information and care handling TIPS.
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Question: My husband and I are young (50's). Why should we give someone Power of Attorney?
Answer: Every couple should have POA for each other, with an alternate also named. One never knows that may happen - a car accident leaving a person in a coma, a stroke or heart attack.
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Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o Name\Address of YOUR newspaper (or mail direct to her at PO Box 132,Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132) or contact her through her web site: thesandwichgeneration.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
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©2002 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.