for release June 21, 2002
The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
Children Cannot Be Forgotten While Elder Caregiving
Question: I'm a high school junior. My parents are so involved in taking care of my grandmother, they refuse to sit down to talk about college. They're not here for me. I need help.
Answer: Yes, you do need help and should get it. Children, regardless of age, need attention from parents. Teens especially need emotional support and future life direction.
As a teenager there are two main things you can do. In relation to college try to identify colleges you'd like to attend and get admission information.
In relation to your parents and grandparents, try to identify ways you can help. Maybe do more chores around your house and/or for your grandmother. Then your parents will have more time to spend with you.
If your parents still can't find time, keep on trying to get them to sit down. Persevere. Tell your parents you need to talk with them.
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Question: My father has Alzheimer's and requires a lot of care. I run from my house to his house in the morning, then to work. After work I go back to my father's, before going home. I'm exhausted. I was shocked to see my daughter's last report card, as she went from being an A/B student to B/C.
Answer: While your father needs help, your daughter should be very high on your to-do priority list.
Obviously, your daughter needs you to be there for her - if not physically, certainly emotionally. Sit down with her, get her to express her feelings, express your own feelings and problems. Two-way communications is critical.
More importantly, why are you running back and forth? You should get help by hiring someone else to care for your father. Or, if he is very confused and wanders, consider an assisted living home that accommodates Alzheimer's.
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Question: My grandmother used to bake great cookies for me. Now she doesn't even know who I am. How can this be?
Answer: Your grandmother probably has Alzheimer's, which robs people of their memory.
Children can feel rejected when a loved one no longer recognizes her/him. So, it's important for your parents to explain Alzheimer's and how it affects your grandmother.
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Question: My father has end stages of cancer and is in a nearby nursing home. I try to visit him every day. My two teenage sons have gotten verbally obnoxious and demand I do all kinds of chores for them. I'm getting stressed out.
Answer: Open up communications. Your sons need to understand what you and your father are going through. You do need to verbalize that you love them, but are torn because of your father's condition.
If they are mid-teens they should be taking care of their own room and laundry, helping you with house chores.
If you reduce visiting by even one day a week and they help in the house, then you all will have time to do fun things with each other.
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Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o Name\Address of YOUR newspaper (or mail direct to her at PO Box 132,Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132) or contact her through her web site: thesandwichgeneration.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 505 words; other material = 160 words
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©2002 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.