for release July 19, 2002
The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
Sibling Squabbles Avoided By Proper POA
Question: How do you keep your family ties when there are seven siblings, and no one agrees? The youngest has POA and will not let go. Our family is being torn apart, and the legal world is too slow to help my Dad.
Answer: If the sibling who has Power of Attorney (POA) is (1) taking appropriate care of your father -- according to his wishes and set of life values: (2) making appropriate financial decisions -- according to his wishes and set of life values; and (3) is doing what your father wants or would want to be done, then you should all bug out. This is a prime example of why only one person should be designated to have POA.
On the other hand, if there is abuse, if appropriate care is not being given, then you should contact your state's agency for adult protective services. Your local agency on aging should be able to give you the name and telephone number.
* * *
Question: I'm 70 and in excellent health. I have four children, three daughters and a son. My youngest daughter lives nearest me, and I want her to have Power of Attorney for me. My son says he should have it because he's a man. I'm torn. Should I appoint both?
Answer: No! You should choose the one person you trust and feel most comfortable with. The person who understands you and your life values. The POA person should also be financially responsible and able to take care of many details.
Just because your son is a man, doesn't wash with me. Giving power to more than one child can lead to terrible conflicts at a time when you need help.
The previous letter clearly shows what could happen, and proves my point that only one person should have POA. An alternate should also be named in the legal document in case something happens to your daughter.
* * *
Question: We want to put my mother's (88) house in our names (three sisters) now. My mother refuses. Her attorney also refuses. We're frustrated.
Answer: Your mother and her lawyer are 100% correct. It's your mother's house. You have no right to it - unless she leaves it to you and your sisters in her Will.
* * *
Question: My mother (79) has $100,000 in a brokerage account. Should we put the account in both our names?
Answer: Absolutely not! She can leave it to you in her Will.
Unless assets are multi-millions they should be left in the elder owner's name only. Someone should have Durable Power of Attorney, to help her handle things if she can't.
Putting a home or brokerage account in children's names jeopardizes the assets and life style of the elder. Children's creditors can put liens on the house or maybe even force a sale. It's the same with the brokerage account. Creditors can go after it, even if it's really the elder's money.
* * *
Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o Name\Address of YOUR newspaper (or mail direct to her at PO Box 132,Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132) or contact her through her web site: thesandwichgeneration.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 500 words; other material = 160 words
We would appreciate it if you would include the "Globe Syndicate" bug at the end of the column.
©2002 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.