for release July 26, 2002
The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
Wills Can Be Useless If....
Question: My mother, 72, recently died, and my brother and I are getting nothing. She had assets, but her live-in boyfriend is getting everything. Her Will says we get her assets. How can we be cheated out of what should be ours?
Answer: Very easily! If the title of the house in which they lived was in both names, joint tenancy with right of survivorship, then the boyfriend gets it. If bank accounts were held jointly, the boyfriend gets all the money in them.
This is a prime example of why planning is critical to protecting heirs/children when live-in situations or second marriages.
The legal rule is: ownership supersedes a Will. For more on this, visit our web site: www.sandwichgeneration.com and look at Special Features article SFTSG007.
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Question: My parents (60s) had been separated for years, and we have had nothing to do with my mother. My father finally got divorced, because he wanted to remarry. He suddenly died of a heart attack. We now learn all his company benefits - pension plan and 401K monies are going to my mother. We get nothing. What can we do?
Answer: Nothing! Your father failed to change the beneficiary on these benefits from your mother to you and your sisters. This should have been done years ago. The U.S. Supreme Court has thrown out challenges in such cases. The named beneficiary gets all.
Another prime example of why everyone needs to do some basic estate planning, periodically review asset ownership documents, change beneficiary designation when life elements change, and make sure asset ownership and Will conditions are consistent.
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Question: My mother, 88, lived with my sister until she died last month. Her Will says her assets are to be divided equally among her three children. My mother had my one sister on all her bank and brokerage accounts as a joint owner. A lawyer now tells us that my other sister and I will get nothing. How can this happen?
Answer: Easily! Ownership supersedes a Will. If the assets were in joint names, your sister gets all, and legally she does not have to share.
Another prime example of why older people should not put an adult child's on any assets in a joint tenancy manner. Other family members will get cheated out of what should be theirs.
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Question: My father, 82, wants to put my son's name on a brokerage account. He doesn't trust me because I'm a woman. I'm very hurt.
Answer: Your father comes from a generation where many women did not have the education you have. So he's "stuck" in that thinking. So don't feel hurt. Try to understand where he's coming from.
Your father should keep the brokerage account in his name only, with yourself or son having Durable Power of Attorney and ability to "gift" if appropriate.
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Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o Name\Address of YOUR newspaper (or mail direct to her at PO Box 132,Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132) or contact her through her web site: thesandwichgeneration.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 485 words; other material = 160 words
We would appreciate it if you would include the "Globe Syndicate" bug at the end of the column.
©2002 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.