for release August 16, 2002
The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
Pain Management Critical To Quality Of Life
Question: My mother's (79) arthritis is extremely painful and affects her ability to take care of herself. She refuses to take medicine prescribed by the doctor and spends a lot of time lying on the couch. She says she doesn't want to become addicted to medicine.
Answer: It's silly and, in a way, selfish not to take medicine to control pain. At her age, she doesn't need to worry about becoming "addicted" and if she does, so what. In the meantime, she should enjoy life.
Unmanaged pain sends off "to-watch-for triggers" and a doctor should be consulted.
Triggers include: reduced physical activity; insomnia; decreased appetite; confusion and impaired memory; and changes in personal relationships.
The American Chronic Pain Association, telephone 916-632-0922, can give you advice. Also the Arthritis Foundation, telephone 800-283-7800.
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Question: My father, 82, had a stroke and cannot talk. He was always active, but now just sits in his chair with a sour look on his face. The doctor says nothing is wrong.
Answer: The doctor could well be wrong! Is there any reason why your father might be in pain, someplace, and not be able to tell you? Or perhaps he's tried, and you haven't understood.
Ask him if he's in pain. If yes, ask where. Have him point. Run your hands over his body and move his joints. Watch his facial expression to see reaction.
Just because a person can't verbalize doesn't mean he/she should stop living. My father had several strokes over the years and had difficulty talking. The words just would not come out right. Even so, he was very active until he was 92.
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Question: My mother has Alzheimer's and is in a nursing home. She moans constantly and drives everyone crazy, especially at night. How can we get her to stop making so much noise?
Answer: Your mother may be in pain, but can't tell you. Even the demented know when they are in pain and/or unhappy. Look closely at her facial expressions, especially around her eyes and mouth when she moans. This is a good pain level indicator.
Some OTC pain medicine may help. If not, consult a doctor.
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Question: My father is bedridden with cancer and in a lot of pain. He has severe reactions to the treatments, but wants to keep trying new ones. We contacted Medicare about paying for home care, but they refuse. I thought Medicare paid for care for the dying.
Answer: Yes, Medicare does pay for at-home hospice or for care in a facility if the person is expected medically to live for only six months. A doctor needs to attest to this. At the same time, if hospice benefits are paid, Medicare will not pay for "curative" care. In other words, your father could not receive new therapies or treatment to cure the cancer and hospice care dying benefits at the same time.
More information is available from Last Acts, www.lastacts.org.
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Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o Name\Address of YOUR newspaper (or mail direct to her at PO Box 132,Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132) or contact her through her web site: thesandwichgeneration.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 505 words; other material = 160 words
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©2002 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.