Globe Syndicate
for release November 8, 2002
The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself
and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your
once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is
dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns
and/or responsibilities.
ASSISTED LIVING GREAT FOR SOME
(Part 1 of 2)
Question: My mother, 78, lives alone in the large family home. We don't think
she should live alone, and want her to move into an assisted living residence.
How can we convince her?
Answer: There are a lot of questions that need to be asked - and answered before
someone is moved from her own home. And you didn't give me much information to
go on.
Today, there are many living arrangement options - depending on finances,
lifestyle desires, and true physical and mental capabilities and needs.
I received a telephone call just the other day from an 88-year-old woman who is
in good health. She has live-in help, 7 days a week. But she is getting
forgetful, and is worried about this. Her daughter wants her to look at assisted
living residences, which in her area are about $5,000 a month.
First preference should always be to remain in one's own home - provided there
is money to pay for either part-time or full-time help. This way, the elder
maintains control of her own life and lifestyle.
If the elder has friends in the area, this makes it even more important to stay
put. Studies clearly show the connection between friends and family
relationships and better physical and emotional health.
Assisted living is good for those who have more trouble handling their own
environment and personal care tasks.
Many senior residences have independent apartments, and provide some meals,
social activities and sometimes medicine oversight.
Some questions for your mother to ask herself:
* Do you like tasty food, but are not inclined to cook for yourself?
* Do you value your privacy, but would like someone else close at hand for
emergencies and social activities?
* Do you want a modern, clean environment, but don't want to do housekeeping
chores?
* Do you have days you don't feel well and would like the security of knowing
someone else can help you?
* Do you like to do things and go places, but can no longer drive?
* Do you feel safe in your home especially at night?
* * *
Question: Both my parents, mid-80s, have Alzheimer's/dementia. They live alone
in a senior apartment. My husband and I are teachers. When is the right time to
think about assisted living?
Answer: It is never too early to investigate alternative living arrangements and
identify a good facility. Many allow potential residents to spend anywhere from
2 to 4 weeks as a "visit" to see how things work out.
Remaining in one's home - with appropriate help - or moving to a residence where
help is available is a very individual thing. Families should discuss this
before a crisis, with the elder being the cornerstone of a decision.
There is a national free referral service which helps families evaluate elder
needs and suggests alternatives. The web site is www.aplaceformom.com.
* * *
Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered
individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever
possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o
Name\Address of YOUR newspaper (or mail direct to her at PO Box 132,Wickatunk,
NJ 07765-0132) or contact her through her web site: thesandwichgeneration.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the
unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 485 words; other material = 160 words
We would appreciate it if you would include the "Globe Syndicate" bug at the end
of the column.
©2002 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.