Globe Syndicate
for release November 29, 2002
The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself
and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your
once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is
dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns
and/or responsibilities.
GIFT OF TIME = THE BEST
The Holidays are (again) here. The inevitable question: what do I get for
someone who: has everything, likes nothing, doesn't accept gifts graciously, is
in a nursing home?
In the past, I have said the greatest gift anyone can give someone else - really
regardless of age - is consistent quality time.
This past year I have spoken with or received e-mails from many elders, who have
the same complaint. Children and grandchildren are too busy - so they say and
think - to visit older family members. And when they do visit it's a rush stop
as they're on to someplace "more important."
Of if the senior is visiting adult children and grandchildren, she/he is left
alone. The grandchild leaves the dining table right after meals and disappears
into her/his bedroom. Or the adult child is on the phone or doing chores around
the house.
There certainly isn't any bonding.
As a result, too many elders feel they don't mean anything to the children, to
whom they gave so many years and much love. Rejection is hard to accept at any
age.
I see this situation as reflecting a lack of value of family. And let's face it,
society's values are doubtful. I think everyone's New Year resolution should be
to identify an aging relative and promise yourself - and do follow through - to
spend quality time each month with her/him. If the elder lives too far for a
visit, a telephone call every other week will help the elder's self-esteem.
It is terrible for an elder to feel abandoned and uncared for by other family
members, especially during the holidays.
Other holiday TIPS.
* Visit an elder, especially if in a nursing home or confused, rather than
subject the elder to a lot of noise - even though happy. If an elder attends a
family party, "assign" someone to "visit" on a rotating basis. Share happenings
and get the elder to talk about what she/he is doing. Or if the elder has
hearing or speech problems, sit and hold hands.
* E-mail has reached our eldest! So buy a simple computer or web TV and a year
of service. E-mail is a great bond developer, given time differences and
everyone's hectic schedule. I've had messages from readers in their 90s. An
82-year-old friend of mine just got "hooked" on e-mail. She was thrilled to
receive a picture of her daughter, who lives 1,200 miles away.
* The more mundane is not really mundane to an elder or person living alone. Buy
a bunch of friend or thinking of you cards and send one on a regular basis. Have
your children write a note or draw a picture for grandma or grandpa. I have a
note taped on a filing cabinet in my office that says "I love you, Joshua." I
love it!
* * *
Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered
individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever
possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o
Name\Address of YOUR newspaper (or mail direct to her at PO Box 132,Wickatunk,
NJ 07765-0132) or contact her through her web site: thesandwichgeneration.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the
unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 480 words; other material = 160 words
We would appreciate it if you would include the "Globe Syndicate" bug at the end
of the column.
©2002 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.