Globe Syndicate
for release December 20, 2002
The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself
and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your
once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is
dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns
and/or responsibilities.
MANAGEMENT TECHNIQUES WORK WELL WITH ELDER CARE
Being a sandwich generationer means you are juggling multi-generation
responsibilities and trying to balance your own life.
Managing elder care responsibilities effectively and with less stress should
utilize ideas from business management books and theories.
So here are some management ideas that transcend to elder care.
* The individual has to take more responsibility for self.
Transferring this idea to elder care, the elder should continue doing whatever
he/she can do for self, without relying on someone else. Safety and health are
key considerations.
* Life today is more like vines than a corporate ladder, and you need your own
machete.
Transference: There is no one right way to "do" elder care or is there a
"straight" road. Often the elder care road twists and turns, veers off and then
twists back. There are always alternatives and options. Cut away excess
emotions, and zero in on what really needs to be done. Do what you can do
comfortably and get help from others for the other chores.
Remember the key words: HELP and STOP. Broken down HELP is: Happening -- what is
really? Emotions: what are they? Listen: to your parent, yourself and others.
Planning: zero in on options. STOP is: Stop doing what you are because it's not
working. Think about what is really going on. Identify Options, and Plan.
* "Managers are synthesizers who bring resources together and have that ability
to smell opportunity and timing" (by Peter Drucker).
Transference: A caregiver, regardless of ages of the care recipient(s) involved,
needs to bring various resources together to provide effective care. One person
shouldn't and can't do it all and be successful. Identify and use various
resources and family members to relieve your burden.
An integral part of managing effectively is open multi-way communications.
Nonverbal behavior is just as important as what one actually says.
Elements of effective communication:
* Face the person with whom you want to communicate and maintain eye contact.
Don't assume an elder really hears you.
* Be relaxed and use some gestures for emphasis. But too many gestures can be
confusing.
* When listening to someone else, lean forward, nod and smile as appropriate.
Turnoffs:
* Looking away or turning away from the person speaking - or the person you are
talking to.
* Crossing and uncrossing limbs or tapping a finger or pen.
* Talking in a monotone or loud voice.
* Scowling or frowning.
As with everything involved in relationships, balance is the key.
* * *
Question: My father, 72, retired several years ago after being a drama and band
teacher for many, many years. He's bored and doesn't know what to do with
himself. He's driving us crazy.
Answer: Your father has talents that many would envy. Two suggestions: (1) He
should contact local theater groups and participate in their programs. There are
thousands of such groups across the country. Community colleges often have such
groups. (2) There is a senior theater organization that keeps track of seniors
groups across the country. Call Bonnie Vorenberg at 800-858-4998. Their website
is www.seniortheatre.com.
* * *
Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered
individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever
possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o
Name\Address of YOUR newspaper (or mail direct to her at PO Box 132,Wickatunk,
NJ 07765-0132) or contact her through her web site: thesandwichgeneration.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the
unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 515 words; other material = 160 words
We would appreciate it if you would include the "Globe Syndicate" bug at the end
of the column.
©2002 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.