Globe Syndicate
for release January 17, 2003
The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself
and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your
once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is
dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns
and/or responsibilities.
WARNING: DO NOT PUT HOUSE DEEDS IN CHILD'S NAME
1st of 2 Parts
Older parents should not ever (carved in stone) put a house deed (ownership) in
the name of an adult child (or anyone else). This has been my mantra for as many
years as I have been involved in and writing about aging issues.
I continue to hear absolute horror stories about older women who have put their
house in a child's name and have lost control of that important financial asset.
It seems widows are the most vulnerable in this area because they feel insecure
in handling financial decisions. Just because you are a woman doesn't mean
someone else can make better decisions for you.
I want to share these true stories with you. Whether you are of the eldest
generation in your family or a sandwich generationer, I urge you to cut out this
column and keep it for future reference.
Story 1: A mother sold her house to move to another state to be close to one of
her sons. She bought a condo and put it in her son's name.
A year later, she decided she didn't like the new area and missed her old
neighborhood, friends and activities. She wanted to sell the condo and move back
to her old town. Her son said "Sorry Mom. The condo is mine and I won't sell
it." This left the mother locked in an area she didn't like and she had lost
control over her own money. She had to hire a lawyer to get back her house and
money. .
Story 2: A mother bought a house for herself, her son and daughter-in-law and
their children. She put the deed in her son's name. Her son at age 52 had a
fatal heart attack. His wife inherited the house, and forced her mother-in-law
to move out. This left the elder without a house or money. Because there was no
clause in the deed that gave the elder life rights, the mother had no right or
recourse.
Story 3: A concerned daughter e-mailed me. She was worried about her mother
possibly losing her house. Also if her mother did what she said she wanted to,
this particular daughter and another sister would not get a fair share when the
mother died. Her mother wants to buy a house for herself and another [third]
daughter, who has two teens and a husband who refuses to work. The mother wants
to put the deed in her name and this one daughter's name.
There are many land mines in this situation. From possibly emotional and even
physical abuse upon the mother from the son-in-law to an explosive situation if
this daughter dies first. Should that happen, the house would revert to the
mother. But then she'd have to deal with a troublesome son-in-law.
And, if the mother died before her "third" daughter, only this one daughter
would get the house. The other two daughters would be left with nothing. Not a
fair situation.
* * *
Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered
individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever
possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o
Name\Address of YOUR newspaper (or mail direct to her at PO Box 132,Wickatunk,
NJ 07765-0132) or contact her through her web site: thesandwichgeneration.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the
unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 480 words; other material = 160 words
We would appreciate it if you would include the "Globe Syndicate" bug at the end
of the column.
©2003 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.