Globe Syndicate
for release January 24, 2003
The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself
and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your
once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is
dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns
and/or responsibilities.
GOOD DEEDS COME BACK TO HAUNT VULNERABLE MOTHERS
2nd of 2 Parts
After finishing Part 1, which appeared last week, I was talking with a lawyer
friend of mine. He is not an elder law specialist, but had some harsh words for
lawyers who put older clients at risk.
He pointed out that many women now in their 80s and 90s were brought up at a
time when the men handled money and the women took care of the home and
children. In their married life they deferred to the husband, and rarely
participated in financial decisions. When the husband dies, the mother turns to
the eldest son, for him to take over.
The son says, "Do _______. It's in your best interest." And the mother does what
the son says. What happens is that the mother becomes the financial prisoner of
the child. All too often, the child's "agenda" does not match that of the aging
parent.
My friend told me another story about a mother who wanted her two sons to share
her assets equally when she died.
The woman, now 82, has two sons by two husbands. The sons are 18 years apart in
age. When the mother moved from one state to another she took her Will to my
friend to see if it was valid. Yes, the Will was valid.
Then my friend learned that everything the woman owned (about $800,000 worth)
was in both her name and her eldest son's name. This meant that when she died,
the eldest son would get everything and the younger one would get nothing.
Understanding this, the mother closed out all the bank and stock brokerage
accounts and put them in only in her name. However, she could not alone change
the deed. Her son refused to sign. She had to go to court to get her son off the
deed. If she hadn't, her youngest son would not get anything from the house when
she died.
More Stories: With the economy as it is in chaos, many men have been forced to
seek new ways of earning a living. These are hardworking honest men. Here is the
risk scenario.
A son wants to start a new business and needs $100,000 in start-up money. He is
able to get a SBA (Small Business Administration) loan. However, because his own
house has a big mortgage and he does not have any other assets, he needs someone
who does have assets to co-sign the loan.
The son says, "Mom, can you help me? Please co-sign the loan. I'll pay it. You
don't have to worry."
Two years go by and the mother forgets she co-signed the loan. The son
struggles, but goes into bankruptcy. The bank says, "Mrs. ______ you co-signed
the loan. You guaranteed you would pay us if your son didn't. He is bankrupt. We
want our money from you."
The mother was forced to sell all of her stocks, which provided income for her
everyday living expenses. She then faced financial problems of her own.
* * *
Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered
individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever
possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o
Name\Address of YOUR newspaper (or mail direct to her at PO Box 132,Wickatunk,
NJ 07765-0132) or contact her through her web site: thesandwichgeneration.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the
unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 505 words; other material = 160 words
We would appreciate it if you would include the "Globe Syndicate" bug at the end
of the column.
©2003 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.