Globe Syndicate
for release January 31, 2003
The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself
and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your
once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is
dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns
and/or responsibilities.
Time Management Crucial for Caregiver's "I SELF"
1 of 2 parts
Juggling is THE critical element in elder/parent care -- of time, of energy, of
emotions, of basic Self.
From time to time, I have referred to the many words of wisdom from Barbara
Kovach, PhD, and head of Rutgers University Leadership Development Institute.
Her latest book now being written is called The Delta Force, using an A, B, C, D
philosophy.
Her latest management ideas, as so often has been the case, can be transferred
to caregiving challenges. Some preview ideas here.
A == recognizing the power of oneself and of others through the concept of
"Discretionary Time," the acknowledgement that we always have control, the
"shadow time" that accompanies everything we do. For ourselves, we can always
marshal this time to use for our purposes, no matter how tight might be the
constraints that we face in other ways.
B == accepting that there are people who are determined to stand in our way and
that we have to be "loose" enough to devise a creative strategy and firm enough,
rock hard sometimes, to carry it through, especially at the beginning.
C == sifting out, from the bad guys, the individuals with potential (to help us
do what we want done). Then to channel the capabilities of these bad guys/good
guys into our purposes.
D == the Delta force. The D in the Greek alphabet is delta, and is, in many
disciplines the symbol for change. The Delta is not head but heart. The Delta is
where we all want to be, it is the power that will take us there, once the ABCs
of work, life, management and teaching are mastered.
A leapfrog effort takes the Discretionary Time element and fits it into
elder/parent care scenarios. Caregivers need to look at the Delta Force in their
life, to harness help from others and to find Discretionary time for self.
A full 24 to 36 hours completely away from the daily routine is needed at least
once every four to six weeks. Leave someone else in charge -- remember the 'good
guys' from above. Let someone else do the mundane errands and chores. Let
someone else take on the emotions of caregiving in a difficult situation. Go
hide in a nearby hotel, pamper yourself, and remember happier days.
Another management tool is using the ROPES philosophy. Relationships are
connections between people. Think of a rope, either smooth with no bumps or with
knots, maybe a few, maybe many.
Following a ROPES line of thinking can lead to positive and productive
dialogues, improve the basic relationship and reduce stress along the ROPE, thus
improving quality of life for everyone.
R == respect
O == opening and ouch
P == participate and pass
E == educate
S == sensitive to feelings and thought
* * *
Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered
individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever
possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o
Name\Address of YOUR newspaper (or mail direct to her at PO Box 132,Wickatunk,
NJ 07765-0132) or contact her through her web site: thesandwichgeneration.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the
unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 480 words; other material = 160 words
We would appreciate it if you would include the "Globe Syndicate" bug at the end
of the column.
©2003 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.