Globe Syndicate
for release February 7, 2003
The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself
and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your
once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is
dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns
and/or responsibilities.
CAREGIVERS NEED TO RETREAT FROM THE REAL WORLD
Part 2 of 2
Scenario #1: I am 48, work full time in a high-pressure position, have two
teenage daughters and a husband. My father died recently and now my mother, 78,
has developed some serious health problems. I don't know what to do first (after
work) and seemed to have lost myself.
Scenario #2: Since my mother's death, my father, 82, leans on me to do all the
household chores and cooking. I work part-time and have one grown son, a
husband, and three dogs to worry about. My doctor has suggested an
antidepressant.
Scenario #3: At 64, I was looking forward to being able to retire next year with
a full pension and social security. Recently my father, 90, had a stroke and
needs more help than my mother, 85, can give him. I resent having to worry about
and care for them.
Which of these scenarios describes you? Or a variation on the general theme? How
many caregivers really look at the Discretionary Time element (last week's
column) that is indeed in everyone's life? Probably too few. But finding and
using Discretionary Time is critical to balancing life's responsibilities and
one's own emotional well-being.
To be most effective, caregivers need to retreat from the real world and immerse
themselves in a totally different environment. These thoughts hit home even more
over this past Thanksgiving holidays. I stood at the rim of the Grand Canyon
with a friend who recently had to make the hard decision to move her elderly
mother to an assisted living residence. Her mother fought the change. But the
hard decision had had to be made.
For myself, I experienced a tremendous thrill standing at the rim at a place,
called Hermit's Rest, where my mother stood more than 72 years ago. The 1930
picture of her now rests at the Grand Canyon Railroad archives - together with
mine.
But at the end of the second day overlooking this awesome natural wonder, I had
a conversation with my friend. "Have you thought about your mother these past
few days?" I asked. She thought a minute and then said "no."
We were so engrossed in being in this awesome environment, that both of us
forgot about the "real" every day world.
The idea of having a Caregivers' Retreat program at the Grand Canyon was born.
Why not do what we did for other caregivers? We had taken the Grand Canyon
Railroad from Williams, AZ, to the rim. Sitting high above the train itself in
the dome, we could see for miles and miles in three directions. We stayed
overnight at the rim, and watched the changing colors and shadows as the sunset.
The next day we toured another small part of the 600-mile rim.
What a marvelous setting to lose oneself, we thought. What a marvelous way to
put our own challenges and emotions in place. We started talking, and the ideas
flowed. A Retreat is in the planning stage and would be limited to 20 people.
Now we'd like to hear from you.
* * *
Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered
individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever
possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, c/o
Name\Address of YOUR newspaper (or mail direct to her at PO Box 132,Wickatunk,
NJ 07765-0132) or contact her through her web site: thesandwichgeneration.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the
unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 510 words; other material = 160 words
We would appreciate it if you would include the "Globe Syndicate" bug at the end
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©2003 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.