Globe Syndicate
For release Friday, March 14, 2003
The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
DON’T QUIT WORK TO CARE FOR MOM
Question: My mother, 79, moved in with us after my father passed on. She has
some dementia and can’t be trusted to stay alone while my husband and I go to
work. Should I quit my job?
Answer: NO! Carved in stone. You should continue working and investigate
options. Adult day care centers are marvelous.
There are Medicaid centers if your mother has few assets and little income.
Also, you can take advantage of a federal program where your pretax income can
be used. Many companies have pretax accounts. You can put up to $5,000 into this
pretax account and pay for adult day care. This kind of fund can also be used
for child care programs.
You may have a great relationship with mother. Staying home can irrevocably harm
this. Among other things, you may become bored and get upset about little things
that she does.
Tish Sommers, founder of OWL, said in her book “Women Take Care,” says, “I don’t
believe that sacrifice always deepens affection, especially when there’s no
option, when there’s no help, or when help is inadequate, or anytime when the
burden is just too heavy to handle. Love doesn’t grow when guilt is the
motivator.”
Where dementia is evident, especially as it worsens, caregiving may become a
thankless task.
Just as important is the fact that regardless of the status of the relationship
(good or bad), it can be emotionally devastating to see a once dynamic parent
deteriorate, become sick/frail, and “change” to someone else.
Just as - or maybe even more - important today is your own financial security.
Dropping out of the work force means less goes into your social security and
pension funds. This means less financial security for yourself when you reach
retirement age.
Even if a woman returns to work after a period of caregiving, she has lost
time/payments into social security and her own pension fund. This means she will
have to work longer to qualify for her own retirement fund and social security.
The latest figures I’ve seen is something like $600,00 is lost in pay and
benefits.
Also, there may be insufficient money to pay for your children’s college
education.
• The children may not be able to go to college at all or may have to borrow
heavily in order to go.
• If college is not an option - or is delayed - the child’s earning power will
be less and he/she will not be in a financial position to help the Sandwich
Generation parent when she becomes elderly.
• If the child has had to borrow, he/she starts out (before even thinking about
a home mortgage) with debt, which ultimately impacts life style a well as
ability to care for self.
• This next generation will have less money available for their own retirement.
So the big question is: Who is going to pay?
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself
and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your
once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is
dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns
and/or responsibilities.
* * *
Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered
individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever
possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, mail direct to
her at PO Box 132,Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132 or contact her through her web site:
thesandwichgeneration.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the
unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 495 words; other material = 160 words
We would appreciate it if you would include the "Globe Syndicate" bug at the end
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©2003 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.