Globe Syndicate
For release Friday, April 25, 2003
The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
CAREGIVERS FACE DEPRESSION
EVEN AFTER LOVED ONE DIES
Question: My grandmother died six months ago from Alzheimer’s. . My mother, 59,
took care of her for two years. Now she’s depressed and refuses to leave her
home. We all need help.
Answer: Yes, you do. Your mother needs grief counseling, often available at your
local hospital. Call the discharge planner’s office. Or a clergy might help.
According to the Family Caregiver Alliance a recent study found that 41% of
former caregivers of a spouse with Alzheimer’s disease or another form of
dementia experienced mild to severe depression up to three years after their
spouse had died. This situation is also relevant to anyone caring for a loved
one on a daily basis.
Caregiving itself does not cause depression, nor will everyone who provides care
experience the negative feelings that go with depression. But in an effort to
provide the best possible care for a family member or friend, caregivers often
sacrifice their own physical and emotional needs. The emotional and physical
experiences involved with providing care can strain even the most capable
person. The resulting feelings of anger, anxiety, sadness, isolation, exhaustion
- and then guilt for having these feelings - can exact a heavy toll.
Unfortunately, feelings of depression are often seen as a sign of weakness
rather than a sign that something is out of balance. Ignoring or denying your
feelings will not make them go away. Your mother shouldn’t feel guilty she is
depressed. It happens often. She should get professional help as she is young
and has many years ahead of her.
Question: I am so overwhelmed by all my responsibilities (an 84-year-old mother,
a husband, teenage son, and work). I have trouble getting out of bed each
morning. People tell me “It’s all in your head. Snap out of it!” I can’t!
Answer: You are showing signs of depression, maybe even more severe clinical
depression. It’s common in caregivers who neglect themselves.
First you need to change your own priority list, putting yourself on top. People
rarely “snap out” of a depression. But little steps can be made day-by-day -
without drugs.
Some TIPS from the National Institute of Mental Health:
• Set realistic goals in light of the depression and assume a reasonable amount
of responsibility.
• Break large tasks into small ones, set some priorities, and do what you can as
you can.
• Try to be with other people and to confide in someone; it is usually better
than being alone and secretive.
• Participate in activities that may make you feel better, such as mild
exercise, going to a movie or ballgame, or attending a religious, social or
community event.
• Expect your mood to improve gradually, not immediately. Feeling better takes
time.
• Let your family and friends help you.
• Positive thinking can replace the negative thinking that is part of the
depression. Try biofeedback’s mind over matter therapy.
• Respite care relief, positive feedback from others, positive self-talk, and
recreational activities are helpful in avoiding depression.
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself
and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your
once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is
dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns
and/or responsibilities.
* * *
Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered
individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever
possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, mail direct to
her at PO Box 132,Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132 or contact her through her web site:
thesandwichgeneration.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the
unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 514 words; other material = 160 words
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©2003 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.