Globe Syndicate
For release Friday June 6, 2003
The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
ISOLATION = DEPRESSION = HEALTH PROBLEMS
Question: My mother, 79, refuses to move out of the family house to something
smaller. She says it’s hers and she wants to stay there. In the past six months,
though, she has lost weight and her refrigerator is either empty or full of
uneaten food. Now her 18-year old cat died, and she is really alone. We’re
worried.
Answer: You should be concerned as loneliness can lead to depression. The loss
of her loved cat may be the straw that broke the camel’s back, as the saying
goes.
Isolation and loneliness can happen anytime during one’s lifetime. To reconnect
takes a conscious effort to reach out to others and again become involved in
enjoyable activities.
In the older adult’s determination to remain independent they often will not
admit, even to themselves, that they feel lonely and shut off from the rest of
the world. They hesitate to reach out to others and ask for help. With nothing
else to think about, they become focused on physical limitations. They keep
their feelings inside because they don’t want to be “a bother” to anyone. Or,
they may be reluctant to share their feelings of loneliness because they do not
want the primary caregiver to worry or feel guilty about the amount of time
spent with them. If they do express themselves, they may imply that it is the
primary caregiver’s responsibility to make them feel better. This situation
makes it difficult to find suitable activities and establish friendships.
Lack of involvement in hobbies and social activities can reduce an older adult’s
social network to almost non-existent. The house is too quiet, and the days are
too long. Often many hours of the day are spent dosing in a chair, or watching
television, then isolation and loneliness set in. This can lead to depression,
exacerbating health concerns and feelings of loneliness.
Not only does the older adult suffer from isolation and loneliness but the
primary caregiver can feel these same emotions. The primary caregiver is usually
that one family member who assumes the greatest share of responsibility. Many
primary caregivers become so thoroughly committed to the care of their loved one
that in the process they neglect themselves. The primary caregiver often has
time to carry out the necessary caregiving tasks and doesn’t have time to offer
the companionship the older adult needs. The primary caregiver does not know
where to turn for help or whom to talk with to share their feelings of
frustration, guilt and even anger. They think there is no one who would
understand these emotions. They too feel isolated and lonely.
There are solutions to the problem of isolation and loneliness for both the care
recipient and the caregiver. Most communities offer the following resources for
socialization:
Senior Centers
Adult Day Health Care or Adult Day Care Programs
Friendly Visitation or Telephone Reassurance Programs
Shared Housing
Respite Care
In-Home Assistance
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself
and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your
once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is
dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns
and/or responsibilities.
* * *
Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered
individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever
possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, mail direct to
her at PO Box 132, Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132 or contact her through her web site:
thesandwichgeneration.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the
unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 493 words; other material = 160 words
We would appreciate it if you would include the "Globe Syndicate" bug at the end
of the column.
©2003 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.