Globe Syndicate
For release Friday October 10, 2003
The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
DON’T YOU LOSE SLEEP
OVER WANDERING ELDERS
Question: My mother, 78, has lived with us for five years. She suffered a minor
stroke and gets confused, often at night. I’m losing sleep and may lose my job.
Question: My father, 80, wanders around until 1 A.M. every night. We like to be
asleep by 11:30 P.M. because we have to get up early for work. I can’t fall
asleep until he goes to sleep. Need help.
Question: My mother, 72, has her own separate rooms in our house. Lately she’s
wandered down the street and can’t remember where she lives. I have a two-year
old grandson I take care of and can’t watch both all the time.
Answer: A number of companies have anti-wandering devices that can alert you to
the person leaving the house - or a certain room. Get one. Then as long as the
elder stays safely inside, you can go to sleep without worrying.
While many anti-wandering devices need to be worn - risking take off - others
are door controlled and triggered.
One company is SMART Caregiver Corporation at www.smartcaregiver.com.
Question: My parents (late 70s) need help with various chores. They want me to
quit my good paying job and live with them. We never had a smooth relationship.
Should I?
Answer: Given a bumpy relationship, a resounding “NO!”
Identify the tasks needed to be done and family and community resources to help.
Do what you can do comfortably. And don’t move in!
Adult children’s responsibility is to make sure elders are appropriately taken
care of. It doesn’t mean they have to give up their own life.
In my opinion, too many women sacrifice (yes, a strong word) themselves and then
in their “golden” years are shortchanged financially.
Women who quit work to care for their parents suffer more depression and
stress-related illnesses than the general public. In some cases they get sicker
than their parents. (See Special Feature SF017 -- on our website
www.sandwichgeneration.com).
Question: My sister, 56, has quit her job and is moving in with my parents. Her
husband recently died and left her sufficient money. We think she’s too young to
give up her own life. She won’t listen to us.
Answer: Making such a move is OK, provided their relationship has been a good
one, and there has always been mutual love and respect. She does need to balance
her caregiving with interests of her own. If she makes your parents lives her
total life, this isn’t healthy. Then when they go, she will have nothing left
for herself.
So, the rest of the family needs to make sure your sister maintains her own
interests, and has regular “time-off.”
Question: My parents (mid 80s) are always fighting. They try to get us involved.
We don’t know what to do.
Answer: Do nothing! This just may be the way they’ve interacted for years.
Nothing you do will stop them.
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself
and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your
once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is
dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns
and/or responsibilities.
* * *
Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered
individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever
possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, mail direct to
her at PO Box 132,Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132 or contact her through her web site:
thesandwichgeneration.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the
unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 492 words; other material = 160 words
We would appreciate it if you would include the "Globe Syndicate" bug at the end
of the column.
©2003 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.