Globe Syndicate
For release Friday December 5, 2003
The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
STRESS HIGHEST AT HOLIDAY TIME
Planning and implementing holiday parties, juggling with other shoppers in
crowded malls, running errands for everyone else, keeping the house on an even
keel, and working every day often breaks the stress bank. All too often,
caregivers end up with various ailments.
Advice from the experts:
(1) Don’t be afraid to admit to and show your own vulnerabilities. If you can’t
do everything, ask for help.
(2) Learn to say “no.” If your sister wants you to do all the cooking and you
hate cooking, say “no.” A pot luck family dinner can be just as much fun. Assign
a course or dish to everyone else.
(3) Don’t try to control everything and want “everything” to be perfect.” Who
cares if things aren’t perfect? Or if the house is a little messy. In the whole
scope of life, total control all the time is a time bomb. Relinquish your need
to control.
(4) Acknowledge and admit your feelings. If you’re overwhelmed with everything
you think you need to do, tell your friends and family. Holding in negative
feelings is an ulcer waiting to happen.
(5) Read three jokes a day. Sounds like silly advice. But good hearty laughs
increase those good endorphins and make you feel better.
(6) Exercise. - Develop a simple routine that can be done without having to
think about it or take a walk. Clear your mind of all thoughts.
(7) Get enough sleep. Your mind and body can quickly wear out without it.
(8) Prepare as many dishes as possible ahead of time and freeze. Prepare other
dishes the night before and get everything ready to just put into the oven.
(9) Take the day before Xmas off from work
.
(10) Two hours before guests arrive, hide in your bedroom and lock the door.
Take a nap and/or shower. Listen to music or read a funny book. .
Question: I’m bombarded with so many chores I don’t know what to do next.
Someone told me stress is good. How can that be?
Answer: We all have good stressors and distressors in our lives. Good stressors
provides challenge, “flavor” and opportunities.
Recognizing the early stages of negative distress and doing something to change
the situation is important.
Question: In between running errands for my parents (80s) and working, I have to
get presents for my six children and ten grandchildren. The problem of deciding
what to get everyone is making me sick.
Answer: Simplify gift giving by getting bonds for the ten youngsters and little
stocking stuffers from the $1 store. Forget the big things.
Send poinsettias to your children. They’ll brighten up the holidays and your
kids will think of you every time they at the bright colors for weeks after the
holidays are over. A gift certificate to a well known department store is great.
Or pay for a babysitter for a night so they can go away. You don’t have to fight
the crowds.
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself
and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your
once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is
dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns
and/or responsibilities.
* * *
Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered
individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever
possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, mail direct to
her at PO Box 132, Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132 or contact her through her web site:
thesandwichgeneration.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the
unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 560 words; other material = 160 words
We would appreciate it if you would include the "Globe Syndicate" bug at the end
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©2003 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.