Globe Syndicate
For release Friday December 19, 2003
The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
ARE YOU SAD AFTER THE HOLIDAYS?
Question: I (76) love the holidays. All the color, the noise, seeing the family.
Afterwards, I get depressed. Should I see a doctor?
Question: My father died last summer and this is the first winter without him.
My mother, 76, lives alone and has become reclusive. . She says she’s OK and
refuses to see a doctor. What can we do to bring back her spark?
Answer: A doctor may not be necessary if a person understands her feelings and
takes steps to compensate for the short, darker days.
More than a third of older people suffer from SAD - seasonal affected
depression. SAD can adversely affect moods, the feeling of well-being, and
quality of life. The long dreary dark days of winter, and the cold can trigger
SAD. People always talk about the weather. If it’s extreme, they talk about it
obsessively and negatively.
January and February are the worst months for SAD. The days are short. Because
people may be forced to stay home more, feelings of isolation and loneliness are
more extreme. .
A “deflection” strategy can help elders focus on positive, happier things. Look
for happy triggers. Focus away from problems and negatives.
What are the sources of a person’s joy? What events do they have to look forward
to? If a person has something good to look forward to, it reduces depression.
Listen, visit, and talk about the good things that are happening, especially
with various family members.
Advice: Brighten up the day. Bring color, outdoor smells and “life” into the
elder’s home.
• Flowering plants bring in a sense of outdoors.
• Colorful cut flowers help cheer a person up.
• Potpourri or scented candles bring in outdoor smells.
• Pets provide a tie to another living thing.
• Buy, and have an elder wear, bright colored clothes.
• Set the table with a bright tablecloth with dishes in a contrasting color.
The “people connection” element also helps reduce the feeling of isolation.
• Encourage elders to maintain pen pals or frequent telephone calls to friends.
• Send video tapes and pictures of family activities when there is a geographic
distance.
• When family members travel, bring appropriate picture books so the elder can
look at them and have a sense of “connection.”
• Encourage the elder to develop a family tree with the help of other family
members.
• Encourage the elder to write each adult child a letter remembering happenings
when the child was small.
• Rent oldies video tapes or books on tape for those with poor eyesight.
And some more simple ways to reduce the winter gloom:
• Light up the house. Put larger bulbs in lamps and ceiling fixtures. Put lamps
on a timer, so the rooms used more often are bright at night.
• Put on lively or soothing music to enhance that important “connection”
element.
• A vacation in a warmer climate.
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself
and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your
once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is
dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns
and/or responsibilities.
* * *
Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered
individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever
possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, mail direct to
her at PO Box 132, Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132 or contact her through her web site:
thesandwichgeneration.com.
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the
unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 555 words; other material = 160 words
We would appreciate it if you would include the "Globe Syndicate" bug at the end
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©2003 by Globe Syndicate, all rights reserved.