Globe Syndicate

 

For release Friday March 11, 2005

 

 

The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents

 

by Carol Abaya, M.A.

 

 

THE SPIRIT CAN BE STRONGER THAN THE BODY

 

Question:  My father, 69, has been diagnosed with a form of cancer that doctors say is basically untreatable.   There is an experimental treatment the doctors want to try, but my father says “No.”   I don’t understand the medical terms.

 

My father has heard that laughter could cure him.  He’s gotten dozens of silly and stupid old movies and videos of old TV programs.  For hours each day, he looks at them and laughs. Then he goes to the local bar and plays pool for money.   He’s driving my mother crazy, and I’m not far behind my mother. 

 

Answer:  Today doctors know so much more than they did even 10 years ago.  At the same time, there is so much more that they don’t know.

 

A person with a strong spirit and will to live can outlive even the best doctor’s prediction or medical common sense.

 

Laughter may not “cure” your father.  Then again, it might help his body’s immune system halt the growth of cancer cells.  Laughter releases good endorphins, which are supposed to be powerful healers.

 

In the 1970s, journalist and well known writer Norman Cousins was diagnosed with a terminal degenerative disease.  He wasn’t about to give up on life and had heard about laughter as a holistic healing medium.  He did what your father is doing and beat the disease.  In the 1980s, Cousins had a heart problem and again used laughter as a tool.  His books “Anatomy of an Illness”  and “Healing Heart” are worth reading.

 

If nothing else, laughter will help your father feel better.  Certainly being out socializing with friends and playing pool will help his spirit and improve his emotional well-being.  Enjoying one’s self is better than sitting all day in a chair at home and wallowing in self-pity.

 

If his days really are limited, help him enjoy every day and do more fun things.  Whatever happens, he deserves to feel good and have fun.  His cancer just might go into remission.

 

Question:  When is enough enough?  My father, 86, is on a respirator and dialysis.  He will never get off of them.  He is housebound.  The only activity he can do is play cards on the computer.  He wants all this equipment.  I don’t understand why anyone would want to be hooked up all the time.  There is no quality of life.

 

Answer:  Your father has a legal right to have whatever treatment will keep him alive -- as long as he wants it.  It’s up to him to decide his acceptable quality of life.  What is acceptable to one person (e.g. Chris Reeves) may not be acceptable to someone else.  You (and I) don’t want all that equipment.  But apparently your father’s strong spirit keeps him going and in a positive frame of mind.

 

 He should have a Living Will detailing what he wants and what he doesn’t want at such time as he can no longer make an informed decision.

 

 

Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time?  Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?

 

Do you feel alone?  Rest assured you are not alone!  The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.

 

 

 

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Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, mail direct to her at PO Box 132, Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132 or contact her through her web site: thesandwichgeneration.com.

 

Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.

 

NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 561 words; other material = 160 words

 

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