Globe Syndicate

For release Friday April 29, 2005

The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents

by Carol Abaya, M.A.

NUTRITION CRITICAL TO GOOD HEALTH

Question: My father, 82, lives alone. I live 25 miles away, work and can’t be there every day. My sisters live even further away. We’re concerned that he’s not eating properly. How can we make sure he’s eating properly?

Answer: It’s difficult for everyone when a parent lives a distance away. But you can make it easier for everyone.

Precook food, package in one serving amounts, and freeze. Your father can then just microwave.

In some areas, there are restaurant delivery services which represent a number of different restaurants. You can arrange for one to deliver a favorite meal. Meals on Wheels is available for home bound people.

There are also individuals who will not only cook homemade meals for you, but will also do the grocery shopping. Seek them out.

The above can help assure at least one good meal a day. If he has sandwich ingredients, soup, and breakfast foods, he should do fine by himself.

As long as he remains healthy and can do things for himself, encourage him. The less you do, given his true physical and mental capabilities, the better it will be for you all.

Question: My mother’s balance is off, and sometimes she gets dizzy when she gets up. She lives alone and refuses to move in with us. We’re worried. Help please!

Answer: There are a number of medical alert devices available. Generally they are in the form of a watch or pendant. The wearer pushes the button in case of an emergency. A signal goes into a control center, and someone can make verbal contact with your mother. They can notify 911 or yourself, if necessary, or if they can’t make contact with your mother.

Question: My mother lives with us (self, spouse, two children 12 and 14). She is very confused and keeps leaving the house in order “to go home.” Now she even goes out at night. We can’t keep the doors locked all the time, as the kids are in and out all day. I’m afraid to go out even for an hour. Even with a dead bolt, she unlocks the door at night. We’re losing sleep.

Answer: There are wandering monitoring devices that would be triggered when she leaves the house. That way you can sleep, confident you’ll be alerted appropriately.

If the wandering out is a constant problem, you should think about an alternative living arrangement. Many new assisted living residences, especially set up to deal with dementia, provide a luxury hotel like atmosphere with tight security. Your mother can wander to her heart’s content.

Unless your mother’s confusion is medicine driven or the result of a chemical metabolic impairment, the confusion will not go away. So, you need to think of yourself and your family. Do not jeopardize your own health and family relationships. You’ll achieve nothing positive. No one can be superhuman, and watch over someone else all the time.

Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?

Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.

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Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, mail direct to her at PO Box 132, Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132 or contact her through her web site: thesandwichgeneration.com.

Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.

NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 554 words; other material = 160 words

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