Globe Syndicate

 

For release Friday June 17, 2005

 

 

The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents

 

by Carol Abaya, M.A.

 

 

PLAN BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE

lst of 3 Parts

 

            The third anniversary of the death of the husband of a reader, who has since become a dear friend, is now approaching.

            I received a telephone call about this same time of year. “My husband is very ill, and I may need to do some fast estate planning.  I was at one of your programs and would like to meet with you.”

            I am not an attorney, but did agree to meet with her.  We settled on a date, the Monday after July 4th.  I called several days beforehand to confirm the meeting.  “Oh,” she said, “my husband died two days ago.”

            The moral of the story:  don’t wait until illness occurs to do critical legal and estate planning.   You’re never too young to put the legal pieces in place to protect yourself and your family.

            At one of my recent presentations in an affluent community, the vast  majority of the attendees did not have the three critical legal documents:  Durable Power of Attorney, a Living Will, and a Testamentary Will.  To my shock, more than half of those who have children under 12 did not even have a Will that would name a guardian for their youngsters.  This type of situation leaves life wide open to family disputes and lawsuits -- with the children as pawns!

 

 

Question:  My stepmother sold the house she and my father lived in and bought another house.  She is living (unmarried) with a man who has spent thousands of dollars on repairs and redecorating.  She wants to change her Will and give this man life rights to the house if she dies first.  How will this affect the heirs (myself, sister and two step-sisters)?

 

Answer:  Unless two people are married and have been together for many years, I don’t favor the “life rights” concept -- especially in this case.

            First and foremost, giving life rights to this man ties the hands of all the heirs for an indefinite period of time.  Your family loses control of a very valuable asset.  This is critical as estate taxes (both federal and state) MUST be paid nine months after a person dies.  The sale of the house may be critical in order for heirs to meet this deadline.

            Secondly, members of this man’s family can move in and trash the house. (You said he has irresponsible grandchildren.)  This factor is important if the man becomes ill or has dementia, at which time his family can control his life and your house.

            In order to “protect” this man’s “investment” in the house, your stepmother can Will him a certain percentage of the proceeds from the sale of the house.  The amount should be adjusted for taxes.

            This does mean that the man will have to move.  However, he will not have lived in the house for a long time and such a move, therefore, should not be too traumatic.

 

 

Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time?  Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?

 

Do you feel alone?  Rest assured you are not alone!  The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.

 

 

 

* * *

 

Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, mail direct to her at PO Box 132, Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132 or contact her through her web site: thesandwichgeneration.com.

 

Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.

 

NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 553 words; other material = 160 words

 

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