Globe Syndicate

For release Friday July 22, 2005

The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents

by Carol Abaya, M.A.

SMALL ALIVE THINGS GIVE MUCH SATISFACTION

Question: My father, 81, had a stroke several months ago and has trouble using his left arm. He also has trouble walking and use a multi-pronged cane. He has always had a garden and become depressed because he could not do the work this year. Does he need some anti-depressant medicine?

Answer: NO!! He does not need medicine. He needs a garden. This question comes up every year, and my answer is always the same.

His depression will disappear without medication if he has a garden. It may not be the same scale as before. It can even be a planter on the deck railing or on a table. Many people get immense satisfaction from seeing plants grow from tiny shoots to edible vegetables or fruits. Or seeing buds bloom into magnificent flowers. My father’s vegetables were famous, and his tombstone has vegetables on it.

Question: My mother, 90, has very limited mobility and misses being able to walk through her years-old flower gardens. She says she doesn’t want us to cut the flowers and bring them inside as that “kills” them. We can see she is getting depressed. Need advice.

Answer: Two things come into my mind. First, bring the flower garden inside, even into her bedroom. The window sill or a shelf put up across the window can house plants.

Or cement the pathways in the gardens outside and get her an electric cart, so she can take “walks” by herself.

Flowering plants always give a flower lover a positive emotional boost. My orchids bloom in the dreary winter. I always smile as I walk past these incredible delicate blooms, housed in winter in my breakfast room. This year, my bright magenta “cats” were awesome!

Question: For years, my mother, 78, has been a hiker and bird watcher. Recent hip replacement surgery has ended her hiking trips. She’s becoming reclusive. What should we do?

Answer: Colorful birds, whether in a natural outdoor environment or indoors, can provide emotionally uplifting experiences.

Recently, I visited a nearby exotic bird store. The colors were incredible, and each bird seemed to have its own personality. Most came to the side of the cage, made “talking” sounds, and wanted attention.

Take your mother to a pet store. Let her choose a bird that talks and can bring new life into her life.

More pet stories: Pets give a person unconditional love and are marvelous company.

•A woman, who went into a deep depression after her father (with whom she lived) died, was given a mature poodle. The poodle, who lived to be 17 years old, gave the woman a new lease on life. The poodle went everywhere (even to work) with the woman.

• A high school student gave a teacher a tiny (and ugly) puppy. The ‘puppy’ lived to be 18. The teacher said it was the best gift anyone had ever given her.

Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?

Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.

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Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, mail direct to her at PO Box 132, Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132 or contact her through her web site: thesandwichgeneration.com.

Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.

NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 551 words; other material = 160 words

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