Globe Syndicate

For release Friday October 21, 2005

The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents

by Carol Abaya, M.A.

OWN HOME IS BEST

Question: My parents are still healthy, but can’t do all the things around the house that they used to do. They refuse to move and say they want to remain in their own home. What do we do?

Answer: Most people want to stay in their own home. So your objective should be to help them do so safely. This allows them to maintain control of their daily life’s activities and their likes and dislikes. Maintaining self control makes people happier and they remain healthier.

Things to do:

• Establish a crisis alert system

• Safety proof the house or apartment

• Identify things they can’t do and bring in help

Alert System: Setting up an alert system before a crisis occurs can give you peace of mind.

• Exchange telephone numbers with your parents’ neighbors and close friends and have them call you, collect if they want, if they see something unusual. My parent’s next door neighbors used to call me every time an ambulance arrived at the house as my father periodically had strokes. Even if you live around the corner, such an alert system is helpful.

• Be sure to have the names and telephone numbers of your parent’s doctors, accountant and lawyer. Establish a relationship with them before a crisis occurs.

• If there is a regular mailman, have him alert you if mail starts to pile up.

• Provide the town real estate tax collector’s office and utility companies with your name and address so they can alert you if bills are not paid on time.

Safety proof house: One of the three top reasons seniors end up in hospital emergency rooms is from falls, usually in the home. So your objective should be to aggressively take action to prevent them from occurring.

• Make sure electrical wiring is not old and frayed; that plumbing is in working order.

• Rearrange lamp locations so wires will not trail where a parent can trip on them. Do the same thing with furniture and telephone wires. A cordless phone near a favorite chair and/or bed can be a life saver.

• Throw out scatter rugs and replace worn or buckling carpeting. These are always prime ‘fall’ items.

• Install grab bars in the tub and make sure there are rubber mats to prevent slipping. A chair in a tub or shower can make it easier to bathe him/herself.

• Increase the size of bulbs used because vision often deteriorates with age.

• Redecorate the house so that walls and floors are contrasting colors. This is especially important for steps or stairways. If walls and the floor are the same or similar tones, older people cannot see the difference and can easily fall or bump themselves.

• Have table cloths or mats in contrasting colors with dishes and glasses. This avoids spillage and breakage.

• Help them rearrange kitchen and bedroom closets so they can easily reach the things they use most often. Lower clothes bars and raise where shoes are placed.

Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?

Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.

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Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, mail direct to her at PO Box 132, Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132 or contact her through her web site: thesandwichgeneration.com.

Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.

NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 571 words; other material = 160 words

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