Globe Syndicate

For release Friday October 28, 2005

The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents

by Carol Abaya, M.A.

HAPPINESS IS A STATE OF MIND

Sharing experiences and ideas is a key objective of The Sandwich Generation column and website: www.sandwichgeneration.com. I receive letters from all over the world, and occasionally one so succinctly ties in with problems and challenges of sandwich generationers that I want to share all with you. This week and next week’s columns fit this picture. This week’s column deals with happiness. I’m sharing it s I received it because I receive many questions “How can I make my parent happy?” I always say said that a person cannot make another person happy. Only that person can do so for self. This letter comes from the Philippines. For next week, another key issue is caregiver stress. That letter comes from New Jersey.

Happiness is within yourself.

The 92-year-old petite, well-poised and proud lady, who is fully dressed each morning by 8 a.m., with her hair fashionably coiffed and makeup perfectly applied, even though she is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today.

Her husband of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, she smiled sweetly when told her room was ready.

As she maneuvered her walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of her tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on her window.

“I love it,” she stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy.

“Mrs. Jones, you haven’t seen the room. Just wait.”

“That doesn’t have anything to do with it,” she replied. “Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged. It’s how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it. It’s a decision I make very morning when I wake up. I have a choice. I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do.

“Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open I’ll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I’ve stored away just for this time in my life.

“Old age is like a bank account: you withdraw from what you've put in. So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank of account memories.

“Thank you for your part in filling my Memory bank. I am still depositing.”

The woman went on to give her five simple rules that have helped her be happy at a ripe old age:

1. Free your heart from hatred.

2. Free your mind from worries.

3. Live simply.

4. Give more.

5. Expect less.

Saying: “The first recipe for happiness is: avoid too lengthy meditations on the past.” (Andre Maurois.)

Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?

Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.

* * *

Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, mail direct to her at PO Box 132, Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132 or contact her through her web site: thesandwichgeneration.com.

Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.

NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 555 words; other material = 160 words

We would appreciate it if you would include the "Globe Syndicate" bug at the end of the column.