Globe Syndicate

 

For release Friday November 04, 2005

 

 

The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents

 

by Carol Abaya, M.A.

 

 

STRESS IS MANAGEABLE IF YOU UNDERSTAND IT

 

Caregiver stress is an integral part of the care scenario.  There is no magic wand.  Each person and situation is different.  There is no one right way or wrong way to handle emotionally charged care scenarios.   The words in the following letter I received from someone in New Jersey tell it all.

 

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked, “How heavy is this glass of water?”

            Answers ranged from 20 grams to 500 grams.

            The lecturer replied, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter.  It depends on how long you try to hold it.  If I hold it for a minute, that’s not a problem.  If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my right arm.  If I hold it for a day, you’ll have to call an ambulance.

            “In each case, it’s the same weight.  But the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.”

            He continued relating this example to the stress of caregiving.

            “And that’s the way it is with stress management.  If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won’t be able to carry on.

            “As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again.  When we’re refreshed, we can carry on with the burden.

            “So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down.  Don’t carry it home.  You can pick it up tomorrow.  Whatever burdens you’re carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can.  Relax; pick them up later after you’ve rested.   Life is short.  Enjoy it.”

            Then the speaker shared some ways of dealing with the burdens of life.

            •  Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue.                        •  Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

            •  If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

•  Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won’t have a leg to stand on.

            •  When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

            •  Birthdays are good for you.  The more you have, the longer you live.

            •  You may not be the only person in the world, but you  may be the world to one person.

            •  Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

•  We could learn a lot from crayons.  Some are sharp; some are pretty, and some are full.  Some have weird names, and all are different colors.  But they all have to live in the same box.

            •  A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

            The person who sent this to me ended the letter with “Have an awesome day and know that someone has thought about you today.  I did.”

 

Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time?  Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?

 

Do you feel alone?  Rest assured you are not alone!  The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.

 

 

 

* * *

 

Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, mail direct to her at PO Box 132, Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132 or contact her through her web site: thesandwichgeneration.com.

 

Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.

 

NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 563 words; other material = 160 words

 

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