Globe Syndicate

 

For release Friday November 25, 2005

 

 

The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents

 

by Carol Abaya, M.A.

 

CHANGE ROUTINE

 

Last week we talked about why people grieve so much for a pet who has died and why this grief may be more profound than when a spouse dies.  This week we’ll continue with Tips from Cotton Silverman, MSW, a pet bereavement counselor.  Cotton is a social worker and a breeder of Norwegian Elkhounds.  As a social worker she saw a lot of older people who became very depressed when a pet died.  She combined her two passions -- counseling and love of dogs -- about 15 years ago, and has helped many individuals and families overcome pet loss.

 

Advice for sandwich generationers from Cotton:  “Very often people are not allowed the luxury of grieving for a pet.  In a sense society doesn’t say this is ok.  But it is ok to grieve for a loved pet.  So family members must allow the person to grieve.  If the person is not functioning in daily chores, then counseling and/or medication would be appropriate.”  She says that many Human Societies, Social Work Schools, Veterinary Hospitals offer pet bereavement programs. 

 

To ease the pain of returning to an empty and quiet house, Cotton suggests leaving lights and a radio on.  Then the house won’t seem so empty.  Also, she suggests changing your daily routine.  “Do something new.” she says.  “Get involved in new activities, even volunteer at a local shelter.”

 

As a social worker, Cotton adds that often grieving for a pet is often the tip of the iceberg in relation to other grieving issues that have to be dealt with.  Often these issues data decades in the past.  Geriatric social workers in general have, in recent years, seen a dramatic increase in the number of much older people who seek help.

 

 

Question:  My mother, 83, moved in with us last year.  She brought her three cats. Over the year, she lost all of them, most recently her 17-year-old Siamese.   She wants to get two cats -- so they can keep her company as well as be company for each other.  My mother is in a wheelchair.  During the day we have someone stay with her, but it seems unfair to ask the woman to take care of my mother and have to deal with kittens.  My mother gets mad when we won’t take her to the pet store.

 

Answer:   Undoubtedly there are hundreds of mature cats in your area available for adoption.  A nearby animal shelter or a pet store that works with cat adoption organization.  Also, for special breed cats there are “rescue” units, which have mature cats for adoption.

 

Even though she is in a wheelchair, take her to choose.  This is critical as your mother and the cat(s) should bond immediately.  An indifferent cat in a shelter may always be indifferent.  There are exceptions, of course, but bonding in the beginning is important.

 

Be sure and get as much information as possible as to why the mature cat needs a new home, its personality and any medical problems and special needs.

 

 

Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time?  Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?

 

Do you feel alone?  Rest assured you are not alone!  The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.

 

 

 

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Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, mail direct to her at PO Box 132, Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132 or contact her through her web site: thesandwichgeneration.com.

 

Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.

 

NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 567 words; other material = 160 words

 

We would appreciate it if you would include the "Globe Syndicate" bug at the end of the column.