Globe Syndicate

For release Friday January 06, 2006

The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents

by Carol Abaya, M.A.

PETS DO GIVE MUCH LOVE:

GRIEVING IS NATURAL

Response to Readers’ Comments on Pet columns: On December 10, I returned home after traveling for more than three weeks in Arizona and New Mexico. I turned the page on my 365 Puppy calendar from November to December. December’s message was: “Until one has loved an animal, a part of one’s soul remains unawakened.” This was written by Anatole France.

I do not know who Anatole France was. But these words echo my own very strong feelings about pets and the benefits to human beings, regardless of age. The Sandwich Generation is devoted primarily to aging issues. I have written much on the subject of the benefits of pets and how they help older people deal with life as it ebbs. These particular columns dealt with people grieving over the death of a pet. Grief is a natural emotion, and everyone’s feelings are different and dependent on the loss itself and one’s relation to the person or thing lost.

Many readers wrote me and pooh poohed these sentiments. I can only reiterate them. Pets do give unconditional love and can help people remain healthier longer and heal faster when seriously ill. And grieving after a loved pet has died is natural and in many ways healthy.

I would also like to point out that scientific studies have shown the benefits of pets and their love to young people who may be emotionally disturbed and/or physically or mentally handicapped.

Pets do not care if a person is old or young, tall or short, fat or thin, ugly or pretty, wheelchair bound or bedridden, rich or poor. If properly taken care of, pets, especially dogs and cats, do give unconditional love.

Don’t knock what you don’t understand or refuse to accept as fact!

Question: A good friend of mine, who is 80, is being harassed and threatened on a daily basis by her son. The son is bipolar and “hooked” on various drugs. My friend is petrified on him, but refuses to do anything, either to stop the threats by getting a restraining order, or to help him get the psychological help he needs. I’m afraid he’ll beat her up. Can I do anything to stop the son and give my friend peace of mind?

Answer: Unfortunately, as long as your friend is mentally competent, your hands are completely tied. I made many calls to get an answer to this question because these kinds of situations are more common than we like to believe. The answer was always the same. Only the person harassed can take legal action by obtaining a court restraining order. The police can only and will act if an actual physical assault occurs.

If the elder is mentally incompetent or incapacitated, another person can seek protection for the elder through the courts or agencies that deal with abuse, whether it is physical, emotional or financial.

NEXT WEEK: 2 PART SERIES ON NEW MEDICARE DRUG PLAN

Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?

Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.

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Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, mail direct to her at PO Box 132, Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132 or contact her through her web site: thesandwichgeneration.com.

Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.

NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 558 words; other material = 160 words

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