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The
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
FLEXIBILITY IS KEY TO INNER
STRENGTH
2nd of 2 Parts
Question: My father, 76,
just had a moderate stroke. For several
years, my mother, 75, has had trouble taking care of herself
and certainly can’t care for my father.
I haven’t slept well in weeks and am walking around like a zombie. Every night all the things I need to do keep
running through my head.
Answer: I will call those
thoughts running through your head a “gremlin.”
Maybe a strange word, but... YOU
need to control that gremlin and not let it control you. Easier said than done, I hear you say. But you can control that naughty gremlin by
(1) blanking out all thoughts from you mind, and/or (2) picturing yourself on a
warm beach after winning the lottery. In
other words, Fantasize positively.
Rather
than leave all those thoughts roaming around and pounding inside your head, sit
down and make a list of all the things that really need to be done for your
parents and your own immediate family.
Putting tasks down on paper removes the thoughts from that roaming
gremlin. Then, next to each task write
the name of the person who can do it.
Assign tasks to other family members, seek help from community
resources, and even hire a caregiver or task doer.
Question: I’m thinking
about quitting my job so I can take care of my parents (91 and 88). One of my friends quit her job and now she’s
sorry. She’s so stressed out that her
doctor gave her anti-depressants. I'm
torn.
Answer: I don’t recommend that
any woman quit work to take care of elderly parents. The reasons are in a
series of articles on my web site www.sandwichgeneration.com. Under Information Available, Special
Features, look for SF017.
If one
of your parents is nearing death, take time off from work using the Family
Leave Act. This way you can take time
off (without pay) and return to work at the appropriate time.
As for
your friend, she needs to tap into her inner resources, which everyone
has. A quick way to do this is to use
self-hypnosis and tap into her subconscious.
One’s self-conscious makes up 90% of the mind and provides deep inner
energy. It’s a question of mind over
matter -- the brain telling the body what to do (positive things). Self-hypnosis is certainly healthier than
drugs, which mask symptoms, but do not ‘cure.’
Question: My mother, 84,
had a stroke and is blind and diabetic.
I’m the one taking care of her.
She gets up three or four times every night. I’m exhausted.
Answer: You can’t do the dance alone anymore. Get help! Hire someone to be there at night so you can get a good night’s sleep. Even if finances are limited there are agencies that charge on a sliding scale. Or if your mother qualifies for Medicaid, home help should be available. Call your local office on aging for resources.
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
* * *
Do
you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered
individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever
possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya,
mail direct to her at
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 557 words; other material = 160 words
We would appreciate it if you would include the "Globe Syndicate" bug at the end of the column.