Globe Syndicate

 

For release Friday July 21, 2006

 

 

The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents

 

by Carol Abaya, M.A.

 

UNDERSTAND DEMENTIA BEFORE ACTING

 

Dementia is one of the hardest aging issues with which to deal.  Last week, we talked about life being run in reverse. .  This week there are more TIPS in getting a person to bathe without opposition and in eating properly.

 

  • Many times the elderly are very modest and don’t want to take off their clothes, especially in front of a stranger.   Leave on underwear and make believe they are a bathing suit.  Actually, the elder will probably take them off when they get wet.

 

  • A hand held shower with an adjustable water stream is often less threatening than water coming down on the person’s head. 

 

  • Keep the bathroom environment comfortable.  Music can soothe.  You can get the elder to sing a favorite song, which diverts the mind from the bathing task.

 

  • The lock on the bathroom door -- and also bedroom door -- should be removed.

 

  • It’s OK to skip a day from bathing or showering.

 

  • Grab bars and a seat ensure safety and give a feeling of security.

 

The second most difficult chore is to get a demented elder to eat properly.  Simply the procedure.

 

  • If the elder is overwhelmed by seeing several items on one plate,   put each item on the plate one at a time.  This way the elder does not have to make a decision, which becomes harder as dementia progresses.

 

  • Give the elder food he or she likes and knows.  Respect her likes and don’t force what you think is healthy or unfamiliar foods.

 

  • Praise her when she eats and give little rewards.

 

  • A flexible straw can avoid embarrassing spills.

 

  • Depending on sweetness likes, add a little sweetener (like honey) onto bland foods.  Or if spicier foods are preferred, add some garlic or ginger powder.

 

  • Serve dessert after the meal and make a big fuss about it being a reward (don’t use these words) after eating the main course.

 

  • Avoid distractions during the meal as this will only create more mental confusion.

 

  • Little snacks in between breakfast and lunch and lunch and dinner can help maintain a stable sugar level and avoid crankiness.

 

Question:  My mother, 86, has moderate dementia.  Sometimes she is sharper than  a tack, and other times she’s off in another world.  She hides food, talks about people who have been dead for decades, and has become very religious.  Even when she’s sharp, she forgets what was going on just minutes later.

 

Answer:    All of the things you mention are normal parts of Alzheimer’s and dementia.  You should not try to bring her back to reality.  Tap into where she is and ask questions, even if the person has been dead for years.  Hiding things may be a throw back from her experiences during the depression.  And becoming religious is an emotional security blanket.  Accept these actions and don’t try to change her.

 

Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time?  Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?

 

Do you feel alone?  Rest assured you are not alone!  The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.

 

* * *

 

Do you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, mail direct to her at PO Box 132, Wickatunk, NJ 07765-0132 or contact her through her web site: thesandwichgeneration.com.

 

Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.

 

NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 553 words; other material = 160 words

 

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